Dating Video Transcripts: No Takers?

The following are extracts from transcripts of dating videos, all prospective dates were asked the same question: "What do you look for in a partner?".

All of the videos share one thing, to date there have been no responses.

What do you look for in a partner?

male #426799

Big jugs. I cant be bothered to get up to go to the fridge during the football so any woman I date must have big 4 pint pitchers to hold my beer.

male #424896

Signs of mental instability, after all she is dating me.

male#723981

I cant stand big hooters. Those road hogs who will hoot their horn at anything and everything, they should have to retake their driving test.

male#239173

She must like the sound of leather hitting willow and they should not moan about grass stains. You cant beat a good game of cricket.

male#162934

A pulse [laughs]... Ok I'm desperate, will settle for still warm.

female#123255

Someone that doesn't require much training. Mind you once I get the chocolate drops and the choke chain out they soon learn who is boss.

female#456392

...Oh sorry I thought that was a rhetorical question, I am at a video dating agency I cant afford to be picky.

female#349272

Somewhere soft on his head to bury the axe.

male#831385

I am an eight level wizard with psychic attraction powers. I don't look for anything in a woman they find me, plus if I want I use my power to change them.

female#412357

Nuts, I like to grab them, cut them down the middle and then slowly eat each half. I just really like salted peanuts.

female#239022

Someone that puts the toilet seat down... I mean how hard is it, its not rocket science, seriously the next boyfriend that does that to me is going to be buried under the new patio. I just want to kill people that leave the toilet seat up. In my book hanging is too good for them.

female #127343

A brain [laughs]... I am still looking.

female #107360

Old, a large bank balance and a heart condition... OK maybe a similar terminal condition but I am not compromising on the old and large bank balance.

male #250269

Someone that knows how to deal with a cock flying at speed over a net straight at them. I really could not date another women who doesn't play and understand badmington.

male#364829

Someone that can cook, clean and do the housework. That way I can make the maid redundant.

female #248956

A big rod and tackle box, nothing beats a good days fishing.

female #237460

Someone to look after the kids while I go sell drugs down the pub.

male #237461

Someone to look after the drugs while I go sell the kids down the pub.

(note: although no responses to the above two candidates have been received, we recently received an email from male #237461 stating that he had met the female in the waiting room and they were now married, living in Thailand with no kids and lots of money)

Disclaimer: The above are fictional transcripts. Any similarity to actual people living or dead, any organisation or any event is purely coincidental. The above are merely comedy sketches out of the author's head. They may only be amusing to the author, no responsibility for laughter or lack of it can be taken.