The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton

The book is one of those quirky books that I pick up from time to time. Michael Crichton is one of those great thriller writers that I enjoy, the majority of the time he hits the spot with a good solid thriller. This is a good old fashioned bank job set in the Victorian age robbing the Crimean gold off the Dover steam train. (wikipedia factual record)

Michael Crichton writes a gripping story loosely based on the facts woven into a good solid page turner.

Victorian workplace rules.

As I was going through the book there were some interesting snippits that I thought would be worth clipping.

Rules for Office Staff (early 1854)

1. Godliness, cleanliness and punctuality are the necessities of a good business.
2. The firm has rreduced the working day to the hours from 8.30 a.m. to 7 p.m.
3. Daily prayers will be held each morning in the main office. The clerical staff will be present.
4. Clothing will be of a sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright color.
5. A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff brings 4 lbs of coal each day during cold weather.
6. No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from Mr Roberts. The calls of nature are permitted and clerical staff may use the garden beyond the second gate. This area must be kept clean and in good order.
7. No talking is allowed during business hours.
8. The cravings of tobacco, wines or spirits is a human weakness, and as such is forbidden to the clerical staff.
9. Members of the clerical staff will provide their own pens.
10. The managers of the firm will expect a great rise in the output of work to compensate for these near Utopian Conditions.

It should be noted that this quote is from a work of fiction, there is no record whether Michael Crichton copied an original sheet of rules from a Victorian workplace or created a new fictional rule book.

I wonder if the government has thought or reinstating these "near Utopian conditions" for the current crop of bankers. A hundred years later nearly all of those rules have long been swept away, although to be fair if you want good stationary at work you still have to buy your own.

Marley & Me

If you have ever loved a dog you need to read this book. It will bring back fond memories, you will laugh and you will cry. A book about a 97 pound bright yellow Labrador which grows from a fur ball to a force of nature. The book follows the ups, downs, heels and "incomings!" of life through the eyes and mostly tongue of a happy go lucky Labrador and the family that grows up around it.

Everyone that has every owned their own dog will find something in this book and everyone that thinks about owning a dog will find out what they have been missing.

I laughed and cried in this book, and one of my favourite snippets which just typifies a dog who just does what they want to, regardless, is when the dog features in a film. The whole scene is about a dog getting out the car with its family.

"Take one: The Van pulls to the curb. The instant the daughter slides open the side door, a yellow streak shoots out like a giant fur ball being fired from a cannon and blurs past the cameras trailing a red lead...
Take two: The Van pulls to the curb. The door slides open. The daughter is just beginning to exit when Marley huffs into view and leaps out past her this time dragging the white-knuckled and white-faced boy behind him...
Take three: The Van pulls up. The door slides open. The daughter exits. The boy exits, holding the leash. As he steps away from the van the leash pulls taut, stretching back inside, but no dog follows...
Take four ...The Van pulls to the curb. The door slides open. The daughter steps out. The boy steps out but with a bewildered look on his face. He peers directly into the camera and holds up his hand. Dangling from it is half the leash, its end jagged and wet with saliva."

- Extract from "Marley & Me" by John Grogan

I guess the one thing that everyone can see is their own dog in that. I remember Nobby the mad springer spaniel who would follow commands only if he felt like it, would get out of the car always first even if it meant jumping over everyone else in the car and who would always pull at his lead even if it was sometimes dragging you home when he was bored of walking.

I am so glad I finally got round to reading the book, I had been putting it off for ages, if you are doing the same then I urge you not to delay and pick it up now, you wont put it down.

To dogs and dog lovers the world over, cheers to best friends.

Finding Nemo and a Practical Joke

I accept no responsibility for the humour in the following article. A lot of people will already know that I can find amusement in the smallest things, others would suggest my mind is not wired the same way as other people.

Finding Nemo ...


Found him!

It reads, "Nemo Me Impune Lacessit"

Which means "None provoke me unpunished."

I feel the game could be extended to any photo where the word nemo is clearly visible. I may play this later with my camera phone.


Can I Speak to Mr C Lyon

This is a very clever practical joke from the book "Penguins Stopped Play - eleven cricketers take on the world" by Harry Thompson which I can highly recommend.

Basically you track down the telephone number of a zoo and leave a message on a work colleagues desk that a Mr C Lyon rang while they were away could they please ring them back on this number.

Unless you are particularly bright you would ring the number and only when somebody said something like "London Zoo" you would twig. Of course some people might still ask to speak to Mr C Lyon (Sea Lion if you haven't twigged yet) in which case their colleagues are probably now even rolling around on the floor. In my office we have some one who would probably continue to argue that a Mr C Lyon did ring from that number.

As a HR professional I feel obliged to point out that practical jokes could be interpreted as bullying and harassment in the workplace. Make sure the person you are playing the joke on has a sense of humour otherwise you could find yourself facing disciplinary action.

Pratchett and Vox Pox (Pops)

Christmas wouldn't be complete without the latest book from Terry Pratchett.

I can only add my best wishes to the many expressed in recent weeks now that it has been anounced the author has Alzheimer's.

Several articles I have written this year have touched about how everyone has a voice in the new media. They have such a strong voice that the non expert man or woman in the street are now more trusted and respected to give an opinion. I have made clear that this imbalance leads us to take advice from people who know little about the sometimes complex situations that occur.

After all if you want your boiler fixed you call a heating engineer. If you want to know about the Northern rock crisis you ask a financial expert.

Rewind a bit, If you want to know about the Northern rock crisis you ask people in a que who are scared and desperate to get there money back (rightly so given the lack of credible support by the government, not exactly helped by media doom mongering).

The best decisions can only be made with the best information, although citizen journalism opens up all the information making it available to every one it becomes harder to find the nuggets of information which are the truth.

In information terms we are potentially turning into lemmings all willing to jump on the latest band wagon. The people who shout the loudest and are given enough air time will be listened to. The new media is all about spin and not substance to the detriment of society as a whole.

Of course this may not be a problem, because experts have an agenda, they mislead the public at least if we all doing it, it is democracy in action.

The problem is citizen journalists also have agendas, unlike experts they have no reputation to loose if they are found to be wrong, they can hide behind different screen names, groups and accounts. If it all goes wrong you will find them blaming someone else, they take no blame or liability they were only expressing what everyone was saying or thinking.

The media in turning us away from the establishment is leading us into a very large, very dark, very scary mine field. You can ask the non expert what happens if you go into a mine field without a map, no need to track down an expert for this one.

Terry Pratchett in his latest book has hit on a very apt description for all these Vox Pops you see in newspapers, news tv and online. (I renamed it Vox Pox because it is more like a disease)

"...Vox Pops - which meant people in the street who didn't know anything told other peole what they knew - and lengthy articles by people who also didn't know anything but could say it very elegantly in 250 words."

Making Money 2007, Terry Pratchett.

Speeches that changed the world

I have seen this book around and it spoke to me as a book that should really be in my collection. After all like most people I am aware of great speeches like the Gettysburg address or the 'I have a dream speech' but I have never actually read them. Plus I am fascinated by such things so when a book token came into my hands I went to get the book.

The speeches have been chosen because of their impact on the world. Some were made by great men, some by evil men and other were made at the right time in the right place.

As good history always does they give us pause for thought sometimes exposing humanity at its greatest and weakest. History has much to teach us and so do these speeches.

Jarhead by Anthony Swofford

I have just finished this book and I can highly recommend it.

Swofford goes to war in the gulf as a green 19 year old scout sniper and comes back as a vet who has seen too much. The book shows what is left after war has stripped away a person's humanity.

Life as a marine is described in terms of raw emotions and relationships all with the beat of war drums in the background.

As a marine your only job is to be an effective killing machine to follow orders and to get the job done. War isn't as simple as that even if you have spent years preparing for it, the desert is a different place than boot camp but in the end the people around you can make it the same place.

Is war, a battle with the enemy guns or with the people around you and the person you are or may become?

"Remarkable. A scathingly honest and bleakly powerful book. A hugely disturbing insight into the minds of the very young men who long to go to war"

-William Boyd