The people you accidentally meet while travelling

I'm guessing a lot of people will know what I mean when I say sometimes when travelling but train or bus you meet somebody lovely. Usually it is me watching the man and woman who have just met talking like best friends for two hours but today on a First Great Western train from the West to Reading it was me.

One of those moments which you don't expect but are unmissable, possibly one of the moments in life which take your breath away.

I didn't get her phone number, I did see if she wanted a drink and although she said she was tempted she was on her way to a rugby match so had to decline. She flashed me a smile and was off.

While day dreaming my way through the rest of the journey I thought about the fairy tale lonely hearts where people say they saw someone on the train etc.

Specifically I was thinking of the impulse advertisements that have been running in the uk over the last two years. If you don't know what I mean here is one to watch.

So what would be my advert for today's little encounter, how about these two:

• Aspiring dress designer -
  

You had me in stitches.

• Train home girl -

You left tracks in my mind.

Pratchett and Vox Pox (Pops)

Christmas wouldn't be complete without the latest book from Terry Pratchett.

I can only add my best wishes to the many expressed in recent weeks now that it has been anounced the author has Alzheimer's.

Several articles I have written this year have touched about how everyone has a voice in the new media. They have such a strong voice that the non expert man or woman in the street are now more trusted and respected to give an opinion. I have made clear that this imbalance leads us to take advice from people who know little about the sometimes complex situations that occur.

After all if you want your boiler fixed you call a heating engineer. If you want to know about the Northern rock crisis you ask a financial expert.

Rewind a bit, If you want to know about the Northern rock crisis you ask people in a que who are scared and desperate to get there money back (rightly so given the lack of credible support by the government, not exactly helped by media doom mongering).

The best decisions can only be made with the best information, although citizen journalism opens up all the information making it available to every one it becomes harder to find the nuggets of information which are the truth.

In information terms we are potentially turning into lemmings all willing to jump on the latest band wagon. The people who shout the loudest and are given enough air time will be listened to. The new media is all about spin and not substance to the detriment of society as a whole.

Of course this may not be a problem, because experts have an agenda, they mislead the public at least if we all doing it, it is democracy in action.

The problem is citizen journalists also have agendas, unlike experts they have no reputation to loose if they are found to be wrong, they can hide behind different screen names, groups and accounts. If it all goes wrong you will find them blaming someone else, they take no blame or liability they were only expressing what everyone was saying or thinking.

The media in turning us away from the establishment is leading us into a very large, very dark, very scary mine field. You can ask the non expert what happens if you go into a mine field without a map, no need to track down an expert for this one.

Terry Pratchett in his latest book has hit on a very apt description for all these Vox Pops you see in newspapers, news tv and online. (I renamed it Vox Pox because it is more like a disease)

"...Vox Pops - which meant people in the street who didn't know anything told other peole what they knew - and lengthy articles by people who also didn't know anything but could say it very elegantly in 250 words."

Making Money 2007, Terry Pratchett.

Something I could really use right now

You would be forgiven that I might be in desperate search of aspirin to cure the over indulgence of Christmas. You would be mistaken, instead I am looking for something to save me from the repetitive adverts from the likes of B & Q, Debenhams and PC World.

Unless you have been on another planet since Christmas Eve (in which case lucky you) every television advert has been full of the delight of the post Christmas sales. Several companies have gone for the brain washing technique of playing repetitive adverts again, again and again, until the entire advert is seared into the back of your eyes.

It has reached the point where I feel the need to buy something, anything just to make the adverts go away. Surely such adverts are outlawed under the Human Right Acts, surely such repetitive brain washing could be described as a 'cruel and unusual form of torture'.

There would be a market for a widget attached to your TV, which if you scanned a recent receipt from the said company the TV would play soothing pictures of animals at play or some other screen saver type advert instead of the insistent screaming to 'buy, buy, buy' before time runs out.

There has to be a research paper in this somewhere. Even if I ask my readers to name without thinking 3 retail organisations that have a sale starting after Christmas with massive bargains.

It seems to have paid off as well, on the news I heard several retail managers drooling over the fact that they were finding it difficult to pack in any more people into their stores on boxing day.

Anyway with this alternative seasonal message I wish all my readers best wishes of the winter festival and happy new year.

Journeys into the West

It is the time of year when I take a journey from Oxfordshire to Devon via First Great Western.

It is always nice to see what has changed for the better or worse since the last time I let the train take the strain.

The Adelantes are still around although apparently not for much longer. They don't appear to be well liked by travellers but I have always found them to be very comfortable.

From Reading to Exeter St Davids was on a refreshed FGW HST. It is not a bad job the new seats are comfy and not too cramped and the décor has been modernized. The only minor criticism I have is the choice of door colour, it is a bright lurid pink. I personally the old double yellow line colour they used to have. I suspect that the pink doors will date very badly and in a year or so will look very dated.

Exeter St Davids and you would have thought you had stepped back into the 1980's. There were dozens of Class 142 Leyland bus type trains hanging around. These were used after the end of loco hauled services in the 80's but were soon moved out of the region due to excessive wheel wear and track damage.

Having done a bit of research it would appear FGW have bought them back mainly because they are dirt cheap and because they simple don't have anything better. It appears that although Network rail were not impressed with the move they allowed the stock move after certain assurance were put in place by FGW.

Anyway these Class 142 pacers were effectively made from British Leyland bus parts for the cheapest possible costs. To take the suspension as an example they are two large spring on each bogie set. The ride quality is not that great. The interior is also very bus like with large bus seats and bus doors.

All in all a 1980's train which should have been scrapped at the end of the 80's. The ride quality is terrible, there are no interior comforts and by all accounts the reliability is poor as well. Typical first great western go for cheap and ignore the customers. Why the government continues to allow them to treat customers like dirt is unbelievable.

I should also mention that they do not perform well in a crash, imagine crushing a tin can. The report after a crash in 1999 recommended they should be phased out because of this.

Whichever way you look at it these trains should not be running in 2007.

Rumour has it FGW does intend to refurbish the units but other than recover the seats and fill the worst of the holes there is probably not a lot they can do.

Public Sector Pay Reviews

The government has been busy insisting lately that all public sector pay reviews should be kept to as near the 2% target inflation level as possible. The cold hard logic is that because there are so many public sector workers the more money they are given, the greater the inflationary pressure.

The first problem with this is that it doesn't reward workers in the public sector. In fact really given that other inflation figures are higher including the RPI index at 4.0% it probably gives anyone working in the public sector a pay cut. So not only are public sector workers under appreciated with less job security they must now take a pay cut year on year.

The second problem is that it is a very short term knee jerk reaction which does not make economic sense in the long term.

Lets start with a premise which we can all agree on and then apply the New labour policy to see what happens.

Premise:

We want a public sector which rewards and values employees. In doing this we recognise we will not be able to compete on salary but workers will not be penalised simply because they work for the greater good.

We will treat employees as individuals encouraging innovation, recognising that a strong capable workforce will mean a strong Great Britain

New Pay Scheme:

No salary settlement to be higher than lowest rate of inflation.

Implications:

• Differential between Public and Private sector increases in the same way that the differential between house prices and earnings have increased
• Employee motivation decreases, if salary does not change employee become priced out of the economy (eg housing) and so have to seek promotion on a new grade or move to the private sector. Staying in the same post is not a viable option.
  
• Low paid jobs attract poor employees who cant compete for average jobs. There is a tendency for public sector employers to hire or retain poor employees rather than have no one in post.
• Low paid jobs cannot be filled, greater reliance on temps which cost up to X1.5 more.
• Employees who remain in the same post for their career i.e. police officers, paramedics decide to leave the industry.
• Organisations cheat: they award pay rises outside of the annual payment to keep employees effectively negating any economic effect the annual policy has.
• When employee leaves, the job cannot be filled, the salary is then regraded to a salary which the old employee would have liked but was not allowed. So the public sector is willing to pay more for a new person with less experience. The policy does not retain employees.
  
• Public sector will never be world class. You get what you pay for, you pay third rate wages you get third rate service.
• The average employees suffer, these pay settlements don't effect the fat cats only the front line staff.

In reality you may save money by restricting salary growth but you end up paying more in hidden costs and your public sector improvement / reform policies suffer.

Public sector pay as an economic tool is a blunt instrument. There is an argument for making sure that things don't get out of hand by applying a cap or by phasing large pay rises. However, the bottom line is that the policy does not treat people as individuals.

There are much better ways of managing the economy without penalising a section of society who choose to give up private sector wages for the greater good.

Virgin Cross Country franchise demise

On November 11th several operators disappeared from the UK railway network in the latest round of franchise quick shuffle.

One of them was Virgin Cross Country. I have travelled on them quite a few times and they operated some of the busiest routes. They were busy because of Virgin's investment in the franchise with new trains, new tickets / pricing and marketing.

At the start of the franchise commentators said you could not move a Virgin brand on to the railways because the railways are slow, boring and expensive. Things that have never been part of the Virgin brand.

Critics said putting the Virgin brand on track could only ever bring the rest of the Virgin group down.

However, the critics were wrong the Virgin Cross Country brand prospered. It was certainly a hard journey and things could have gone better but it was a success. So with a successful popular operator you would have thought they stood a good chance for keeping the franchise.

Sadly this was not to be and Virgin Cross Country left the scene on November 11, 2007.

I have always felt that brands like Virgin keep the competition honest. Virgin puts quality and value above profit, Virgin stands for customer commitment which cannot be said for a lot of other brands in the transport industry such as First and their terrible franchise First Great Western.

There is a great debate about how franchise holders like FGW are allowed to continue and expand whilst operators like Virgin are always beaten at the post. Like most things it is about politics and money. The government puts cheaper cost above quality of service, they may argue otherwise but in the end they prefer cheap over customer satisfaction.

Police Radio Sketch

I thought I had posted some sketches I was writing about police officers, but trying to find it again I don't think I have. I found one of the bits of papers while having a clean out. It really is amazing what I find when I go through a pile of paper, I am always writing things down and forgetting about them.

The Police Radio Sketch

transcript log number 001234356/07 11.11.07 1205

Control:

For those of you interested there are only two quickie portions left in the canteen.

ZT12: ZT12 to Control, save me one.

RT5: RT5 to control, I outrank ZT12 me first.

ZT14: ZT14 to control, I never turn down a quickie.

SS01 (Sgt):

SS01 to all units, Boys and girls, I believe Mary in Control meant quiche as in cheese and onion. The names of the respondents has been duly noted and I congratulate them for volunteering for the latest round of diversity courses.

ZT14: So no chance of a quickie in the canteen then?

Control:

Urgent assistance required any units available for an immediate quickie in the canteen with ZT14.

[dead air, occasional sniggers from unknown units]

SS01: SS01 to ZT14, Does that answer your question?

SS01: SS01 to Control, Mary I have added your name to the list as well.

Control: Control to SS01, Roger Dodger.

How low can you go?

The barometer has dropped down to 970 mb which is 10 mb past "stormy" which I guess makes it very stormy.

However just now outside it is looking quite peaceful, a bit gloomy but not particularly windy or wet. According to the UK pressure chart I am at the centre of the low.

The barometer is suggesting it will shortly come on to a blow and it is time to batten down the hatches. I hope its not like the other night, the wind was so strong against the window I kept dreaming about trains rushing by.

Virtual Worlds

I have been thinking a bit about virtual worlds and virtual relationships. I got bored with second life, couldn't really get into it. I have always liked chat room and remember the aol uk Pub from some years ago now.

I installed IMVU about a year ago to try it out and really it was terrible, there were no chat rooms and everyone seemed to be under 16. They have done a lot of advertising and I thought I would give it another chance. Now they have public rooms and the population is generally more over 18.

I have found a nice club where you can listen to music and chat.

Anyway IMVU got me thinking, everyone in a virtual world picks an avatar who is kind of their perfect ideal, no picks an ugly avatar.

Some people separate the virtual world from the real world. They talk to people, but they never become real friends, they would never think of meeting them, it is a completely separate world.

Some make friends and fall in love, although relationships start in the virtual world they cross over into the real world.

What about when we have real virtually reality, you might be able to do everything in a virtual world and because it is an ideal world you might not want to be in reality. Will there be parts of virtual reality that stipulate only life realistic avatars are aloud. How about a relationship that only exists in a virtual world because you live thousands of miles apart.

Will the virtual and real world collide, how will we operate in such a connected future. How will we relate to people?

Things I am reminded of when I have had the worst day

Here are a few things that come to mind when I have had the worst day:

It will always look better in the morning after a good night's sleep.

If by Rudyard Kipling

"...Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools..."

Dr Evil from Austin powers:

"... Throw me a frickin' bone here! .."

Finally, I remind myself that I am me and something will hopefully present itself shortly to make life seem that little bit brighter.

I believe in myself and the fact that things have a habit of working out. Sometimes the biggest struggle is just turning up.

Emma 'Mind the Gap' Clarke Spoof announcements

You may have heard the story this week about how Emma Clarke who does the voice for announcements on the tube has not had her contract renewed. There was speculation that it had to do with her putting up some spoof announcements on her own website.

Spoof London Underground Announcements

I particular like the very last one, "Here we are again..."

Misheard lyrics 3

Sometimes it is very difficult to hear song lyrics, although the internet pretty much means you can now look up the correct version. Here is another that I have misheard.

I'ts beginning to get to me - Snow Patrol.

Actual Lyric:

"And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed"

My version:

"And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching on Uncle Ben's"

Why they should be singing about an argument on Uncle Ben's microwave rice I'm not entirely sure but that is what it sounds like.

Then again it is amazing what little things can set arguments off. Maybe somebody burnt the microwave rice, which started this massive argument and now they are barely talking about microwave rice.

I think I better get my coat now.

The Future of the Car - Part 2

Source: New Scientist, Vol 196 No 2630, 17 November 2007. pp 28-30.

I wrote an article about the future of the car, in July 2007 where I mused about the future of computer controlled cars.

According to the New Scientist article the computer controlled car has come one step closer.

DARPA, the US defence research agency has been running an Urban challenge which builds on their previous challenges for computer controlled cars.

The Urban Challenge was a 6 hour, 100 km race along the roads of a simulated city. All participants must navigate roads, obey the laws of traffic and avoid each other. Not only are there the normal route finding tasks but also individual tasks like parking. Six teams managed to cross the finish line.

There are some features that were not tested that will be needed before we get civilian production models. The cars were not tested against moving objects like people or pets, plus none of the cars reached speeds that would be acceptable out in the normal world.

Having said all that, those tests could come next, so the future is a step closer.

The author of the article had this to say about the driver less future:

"It will also be a long, and maybe un-winnable, battle to persuade people to give up their love affair with driving."

Driving, yes but what about commuting. Who wouldn't want to flip a switch and then fall asleep on the way to and from work. What about nights on the town, cant drink because you have to drive, not any more, let the computer drive you home.

Can't pass your driving test or simply cant be bothered, buy a computer controlled car.

Lost your licence buy a computer controlled car.

I think the author clearly, a keen driver underestimated all the times people cant drive or just hate to drive. It is a much stated fact that people drive because they have to, now there would be an alternative, let the computer drive.

Lets face it who wouldn't want their own chauffeur?

Plus what about costs, lets assume that the computer controlled car is the ultimate in safe driving. Insurance costs would drop, fuel costs would drop as computers are more efficient at fuel efficient driving and the government might even introduce a tax reduction for computer controlled cars.

It may be a slow start but people will give up driving, or at least driving will become a hobby something to enjoy on the weekends or on holidays, not on the boring traffic jam on the way to work.

Friday's Work day prayer

While trudging to work at the end of a long week I was thinking of a prayer to get me through the day. Don't worry I am not about to get all religious on you I was remembering some joke prayer about asking for the strength to get through the day despite all the idiots or something like that.

A bit of google work later... there are a few versions of a joke email that gets forwarded everywhere which is in turn a corrupted version of a famous prayer called 'The Serenity Prayer'.

The Joke Version:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people
I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

You can see how apt this is when you are facing another day at the organisation where the phrase 'bureaucracy gone mad' was invented.

The Original Version:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

The second version is a nice little prayer even if you don't believe in God.

This all got me to thinking that really in the poem the word god could be replaced by something like " God, any other religious deity, any being or anything that has the power to help me".

In my simple thoughts of religious matters I ponder whether belief in a god is necessary for a prayer to take place. After all a prayer could be described as asking for something where the outcome is not certain. After all if a close relative is dying we still will them to survive even if we do not start our thoughts with "Dear God".

Which made me think of a thought experiment about whether atheists pray. If a person had for whatever reason jumped out of a plane without a parachute and was plummeting to the ground with about four minutes to live what would they be thinking. Well you would be thinking I hope something happens to save me which in a sense is a prayer. Proof positive.

Of course testing this would require speaking to people who are falling to their impending death. Given that most people don't willingly jump out of a plane without a parachute this could be a bit difficult.

All those thoughts because of another tedious Friday.

Note: If this article has caused any offence to anyone, this was not my intention. It was merely a random thought from my brain.

Some quotes about genius

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

-Albert Einstein

A man of genius makes no mistakes; his errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.

-James Joyce

Genius... is the capacity to see ten things where the ordinary man sees one.

-Ezra Pound

Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.

- C. W. Ceran

It makes you think doesn't it.

Snow Watch 2007/08 season

It would appear we kick off to an extremely unheard of early start.

Reporting live from North Oxfordshire is Dermot Dermot-son.

"Yes, here in a rather quiet part of Oxfordshire, locals are witnessing what can only be described as sleety-snow.

The locals are in shock, even the octogenarian local weather man has checked his records and cannot find another occurrence in all his 70 years of records of sleet/snow in November.

This is Dermot Dermotson reporting live from a sleety Northern Oxfordshire."

Is this an early start to a very harsh snowy winter. Or it could just be slightly freakish occurence, maybe we will have a rain of toads later.

Ok so not the best of pictures, you will have to take my word for it. That the white lines going across that light is the first snow / sleet type stuff of the year.

When you are bored of the internet.

When you have surfed your way all over the internet.

When you still feel there is still one more page to look at.

When you feel there has to be one page, just one final page to make sense of it all.

When the google 'I'm feeling lucky' is just not enough any more.

When you don't know where to go, but you want to throw the dice one last time.

When the dice is spinning on a point and it comes up seven... Just.... Click here.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

II Waging War

11. On the other hand, the proximity of an army causes prices to go up; and high prices cause the people's substance to be drained away.

12. When their substance is drained away, the peasantry will be afflicted by heavy exactions.

Notes by Zephyrist:

The first one is quite simple, armies eat resources causing prices to rise generally ruining the country and impoverishing the people. In extreme this leads to starvation and desolation of the land.

Apparently, I had to look this up, exaction means a heavy an unjust demand. Basically the local populace aren't really obliged to support the army but end up doing so. As an extension to this the local populace will probably resent the army which as Sun Tzu has mentioned previously will lessen the chances of success.

To summarise Sun Tzu believes that large armies are to be used, not just hang around waiting for a battle.

Recursive dreaming

I read in New Scientist magazine about the linked blogger who wondered how many levels in a recursive dream you could have.

Basically a recursive dream is a dream within a dream.

My dreams are fairly good and I can exercise some limited control over them or at least I have had some dreams so many times that I can rewrite them.

My recursive dream tends to be about getting up and doing all your morning preparations and then leaving the house. In some ways its quite a natural dream in the sense that your brain is waking up and preparing itself to get ready, so it is creating a mental to-do list and running through it which is expressed as a dream. The other thing is that morning routines are fairly regular and repetitive so most of it could be done subconsciously in your sleep not really having to wake up until you eventually arrive at work.

Anyway the dream is quite simple, I get up, get shower, shave, clean teeth, get dressed, go downstairs, get breakfast, collect final bits and leave house for work.

So I am busy dreaming this very real dream which feels just like a normal day, I leave the house and then I wake up. This is where the recursive bit comes in, because although I wake up I start the dream over again, so I wake up, get up etc until the point I leave the house again except then I wake up.

Its difficult to say how many times I have managed to repeat this dream but I think at least three times in one morning. Of course by the time you are actually awake all you can think is that you have done all this three times already.

Another repeating but not recursive dream I keep having is an old favourite about failing an exam. It varies from turning up late or not preparing, I know it means that I am just worrying about some detail that I haven't finalised yet.

It has become such a common dream that now I often start telling myself not to worry as I passed these exams years ago. As these dreams are in the past it is a past me with future knowledge. I have to say that the past me never recognises this time paradox.

Dreams are such strange things and I always find mine fascinating.

Salary Converter V2.0 - Convert annual to hourly, weekly, anything

I finished the major upgrades today.

You can now convert from hourly, daily, weekly, 4-weekly, monthly or annual to hourly, daily, weekly, 4-weekly, monthly and annual pay figures.

In addition I have incorporated amendments for part time and non standard working weeks. The original version had an assumption that everybody worked 37 hours a week and five days a week. Clearly for people that did not their daily rates and hourly rates would be wrong.

A nice little project which will be extremely useful when job hunting. Now I can compare rates between jobs however they put the pay on the advert.

Unless anybody else has any suggestion I really cant see any further improvements to be made. Jobs a good 'un as I always say.

This Week 50 years ago (New Scientist)

In this weeks New Scientist the accidental discovery of super glue is told.

Apparently a polymer was discovered and thus standard tests were undertaken to establish the physical properties. The refractive index was being measured by squeezing a sample between two prisms.

The extraordinary adhesive property was only found when they tried to separate the prisms after the test. It could not be done.

Just think how easy it might have been for someone just to throw the prisms away without realising the significance of them being stuck together.

Humanistic design touches

I have been thinking some more about noises that things make which perhaps could have been designed in or out but somehow survived into the final product.

My MP3 player says"bye" but not"hello", it could have said "powering down" or just switched itself off. I wonder if bye is translated in foreign versions.

I used to own a motherboard which spoke on start up, until it entered into a suicide pack with my graphics card.

On start up it used to say,

"Power on self test complete, Computer now booting from operating system."

I miss that re-assuring voice. Of course you could have chosen different words how about:

"I have spun my drives, as far as I can tell you have a graphics card processor and some memory now lets see if the operating system wants to start today."

"Hardware OK, now cross your fingers, operating roller coaster system about to start"

"Hardware confirmed, now launching missiles"

"Hardware confirmed, Operating system starting. Do you feel lucky?"

"Hardware confirmed, please insert coffee."

"This is your computer talking. Pre flight systems have been checked, If you care to check out the Windows on your left, we will be serving Java shortly."

Sorry went off on a tangent there.

Salary Converter

I run meltdownclock.co.uk with a friend of mine, it is based on an idea I had which has never really taken off. Although to be fair we never really pushed the advertising all the limits.

I sometimes programme things just because I want to challenge myself. One project I got an idea is for a salary converter, so you can convert annual salary to monthly pay, or hourly rate to monthly pay. This would have been particularly useful to know when I was temping. I knew how much I needed to take home each month to live on but didn't know what that would equate to as an hourly rate.

So I thought why not write a perl script to work it all out.

So here it is

Salary converter.

It will convert from hourly, weekly, monthly and annual to hourly, daily, weekly, monthly and annual pay. if you see what I mean.

I have some ideas for the next version two, I want to accommodate part time and non standard working weeks. Plus I might add 4 weekly to the list as some people are still paid that way.

Watch this space as they say.

Lets talk to some 10 year olds about technology

This is one of those articles which makes you feel old even when your not really. Ten year olds do not remember rotary phones, they are blissfully unaware of what life was like BI (before internet).

The BBC news website team, to celebrate their ten years of existence rounded up some ten years olds and talked to them about future technology.

One of the things they showed these kids was a rotary dial phone:

"I've seen these in movies but never used one before," said one. Another added: "I've seen one in Heartbeat. It must be hard to remember numbers."

My parents had a rotary phone in the 80's when I was a kid. Numbers were not hard to remember, I know its out of fashion but we memorised them.

I know several numbers off by heart, my home phone, my mobile, my work phone, several old work numbers. After all before mobile phones I had a phone card and a charge card, if we needed a number we memorised it or wrote it down.

I also remember when every phone call was from a withheld number and the only way to find out who was calling was to pick up the damn phone.

In recruitment trying to arrange interviews can be a nightmare, the idea of a mobile is for people to be contactable, not for them to stare at the screen because it is a withheld number and then let it go to answer phone or worse just ignore it. I would not mind but anyone that has applied for a job should expect calls from withheld numbers because those are the numbers recruiters call from.

So here is a test to see how old you are: Do you know off by heart your mobile and home phone number?

How many people have had the following conversation on their mobile:

Other person: "What's your number?"
You: "Hang on, I will have to look?

Maybe I am whinging on about things, but is this not the first step of relying on technology too much.

These everyday tasks of memory work the brain muscle which in this electronic age is starting to waste away.

We have been through a lot of temps recently at work and one of the first things we have to tell them is to write things down. Even with all the electronic assistance we have you still need to keep, process and organise a lot of information in your head. If you are not able to memorise your own phone number it is going to be an uphill struggle.

I feel a bit like an old man writing this article but maybe its because technology moves on at such a rate that the only people who are young any more are the ten year olds. Even teenagers are out of date, technology has moved on.

The Roy G. Biv theory

This is one of those half baked ideas that I have.

I cant decide whether this idea is:

a multi million pound paper back book Christmas special finally giving ordinary people the key to live a happy, successful life...

Or...

a parody of the million pound paper book back... blah blah blah etc etc etc...

Or...

a collection of odds and sods reorganised into something that is completely worthless...

Or...

just an interesting coffee break thought.

For those of you that don't know 'ROY G BIV' represents the colour and order of a rainbow (although according to wikipedia there may be some argument about this).

R - Red
O - Orange
Y - Yellow

G - Green

B - Blue
I - Indigo
V - Violet

Now inspiration particles (Terry Pratchett reference) hit in completely random places, this one hit me on a bus on the way to work in bright sunshine on a late October day. It was inspired by the following musical lyric.

"...And it was all yellow... "

-Yellow, Coldplay

So anyway on to the theory.

The Roy G. Biv Theory

Take any day and assign it a colour from 'ROY G BIV' according to the following colours and meanings.

Red -

Red is for passion, not just love but any day when you are passionate about something. It can be a thirst for making a change in your life or passionately arguing to change somebodies mind. It does not representative destructive anger or negative argumentative passion.

A red day is a positive day.

Orange -

Orange is about ideas and creativity. Orange screams listen or look at me. Orange are for those days where your energy and creativity are strongest. You mind solves intricate problems with ease.

An orange is a positive day.

Yellow -

Yellow is sunshine, happiness and contentment. Yellow is about being at ease with yourself and enjoying your day. Maybe nothing special happens but a yellow day is a pleasant emotionally stable day.

A yellow day is a positive day.

Green -

Green is the colour of change. Green is about changing not necessarily for the better. Green days are tough days that take a lot of energy and concentration potentially for little reward.

A green day is a neutral day.

Blue -

Blue is the colour of sadness. It can be a very emotional time, negative often associated with depression or tears. Blue days are emotionally draining days where you would rather be wrapped up under the duvet shutting yourself off from the world.

A blue day is a negative day.

Indigo -

Indigo is the colour of spiritualism. It is about deep thought sometimes with a detachment from reality. Indigo days are characterized by a feeling of not being a part of the every day world. A day of being lost in your own world.

An indigo day is a neutral day.

Violet -

Violet is the colour of anger. It is about anger barely contained, an explosion waiting to happen. Violet days are characterized by a general grumpy feeling, a tense day where you could lash out at anyone and everyone.

A violet day is a negative day.

Now do this for a week taking the predominant colour of each day and you will have a list like so

Colour
RRGBOYII

+/-
++ . - + + .. giving a total score for the week of +3.

Obviously the more positive your week the better, and for negative weeks you can look closely at your problem areas.

As the weeks go by you will start to see patterns to the days and emotions which will enrich your understanding of yourself.

This framework is about starting a voyage of discovery about you and your emotions and how that ebbs and flows over a week.

...End of theory...

Now,do you see the problem I had at the start of this article. On a very superficial level my theory seems as good as any other mumbo jumbo that makes it into the paperback Christmas chart but when you look a bit close isn't all just a load of made up nonsense.

All the colours are an adaption or reorganisation of existing colour theory or just what the colour sometimes means to me.

Either way I am going to park it here on my blog, make of it what you will.

Just in case, if it does turn out that the idea is worth millions, please note the copyright and intellectual property contained here in belongs to me, and I will sue.

Remembrance Day - 11 November 2007.

There are a couple of things that I feel are a moral responsibility for individuals in this world. One is to vote and another is to remember those that have died to give us and people around the world, to protect the freedom to vote among other things.

No matter how you feel about war our brave men and women serve in the armed forced to protect our freedom. Words are not enough, but we should never, ever forget the sacrifices they have made and will continue to make in the future.

Please buy a poppy this November and take just one moment to remember the fallen.

Bring Back 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'

I have been watching the run of the American version of 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' on FiveUS. It is just as good as the older UK version.

For those of you who have never come across this show it is about improvisational comedy. A panel of four comedians are given a series of party games where a character or situation is given to them and they have to improvise the scene.

Some of the games have included, the Hoedown where they have to sing a hoedown based on a suggestion from the audience for example singing about being a fast food worker.

Another games is helping hands where one comedian provides the hands for another comedian from behind their back. Usually involving food or other props these games could get a bit messy.

The great thing about the show was this it was very hard, comedians had to think quickly on their feet to make you laugh and sometimes in failing they made you laugh even harder.

There were some regulars on the panel including Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles and Greg Proops which allowed for running jokes and a more intimate feeling about the show.

There has never been a show that has come close to replacing it and I think it should be bought back. Mix some of the old stars with the new talent that has built up in the late 90's and 00's. This type of comedy show is comedy on the edge it is all about whether comedians are still funny without a script. This is the heart of comedy finding the funny in any situation and making people laugh.

The show was always less pretentious than modern so called comedy quiz shows, it was notscripted, packaged and prepared. No one scored points off an obvious stooge participant, it was simply about making people laugh.

Come on some UK network programme commissioner bring back 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?'. I personally guarantee there is a gap in the market for a simple less packaged programme that just makes you laugh.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

II Waging War

9. Bring war material with you from home, but forage on the enemy. Thus the army will have food enough for its needs.

10. Poverty of the State exchequer causes an army to be maintained by contributions from a distance. Contributing to maintain at a distance causes the people to be impoverished.

Notes by Zephyrist:

The first paragraph simply states that bring important things like armour and weaponry from home but feed off the land. More basically only transport that which you cannot reliably get on or near the battlefield.

The second paragraph is a bit more cryptic. Sun Tzu may have been saying something simple, with money tax the people near the army to prevent the state exchequer and the people becoming impoverished. Alternatively, he may just be saying the greater the distance between the army and the home land the more impoverished the state will become, so only make war close to home.

As usual Sun Tzu is open to interpretation.

Great Coffee

First up, I would never advertise a product or service I didn't love, so I am not on commission or anything.

I love Coffee and I have to say the best chain coffee bar for quality, price and value by far is AMT Coffee. Ok so they may not have one one every high street and they may only have kiosks not proper coffee shops but if you are lucky to have one near you then you should try it now.

My favourite style is cappuccino and AMT gets it right nearly every time. AMT are one of the only coffee shops to offer a choice of sprinkles for your cappuccino: chocolate, cinnamon or nutmeg. I changed from chocolate to cinnamon sprinkles and have not looked back.

The only snag is that the cappuccino comes to the top of the cup, so when you put the lid on the sprinkles stick to the lid. One of AMT's big point of difference between it and its competitors is that they listen to their customers. For example, they went organic and changed their snacks stock in response to customer feedback.

I thought I would test the customer feedback out. I collected one of their feedback forms and sent it in suggesting that either the cups or the concave lid should be redesigned so that the sprinkles remained on the foam.

I promptly got a letter back with two free drinks tokens and a good, slightly customized letter, hand signed. Ok so I haven't written many letters before to companies but I did write one to First Great Western once, who wrote back and told me I was clearly wrong.

So well done AMT, you obviously do listen to and value your customers.

I will keep you updated as to whether they change the design of the cup or the lid.

Humanistic Design

Humanistic Design is about how we as people relate to things like technology. Our interaction with technology is a whole science about human interfaces and usability.

Humans intuitively know how things should work. We pick up a camera and we know when we press the button not only should the button go click but we should hear the shutter open and closing.

The thing is technology is now so advanced that the camera doesn't need to go click and make a shutter noise. So why does it? Well quite simply if it did not we as humans would feel uncomfortable without quite knowing why. Therefore the camera would become an alien object to us and sub consciously we might buy the camera that does have the noises even if there is an option to turn them on and off.

The other strange thing about human design is what we expect technology to look and sound like. Take a gadget like an MP3 player, generally silver, small with sexy curves is a good thing. The MP3 player I bought a while ago followed this design ethos, it was small sleek with simple buttons.

However, I discovered a humanistic design flaw. The design is essential a tube with the headphone jack at one end and the usb port at the other. The problem came when deciding what the headphone jack would look like, they went for a straight jack rather than an L-shape. After about two months all the twisting has broken the cable and I have had to go and buy some new headphones. I bought an L-shaped jack and although it breaks up the sleek lines it probably wont break so easily.

Take cars as well, we all know that a really great car will have a throaty engine roar. So engine designers make sports cars with throaty roars, whether they need a good roar to have a good engine is a mute point. Humans demand a good throaty roar so they must have it.

Humans are fascinating creatures, we have so many rules, traditions and customs which our mind creates to make life easier. Our interaction with things is just one study of psychology that I have always found fascinating.

Here are two example clips of humanistic design which are pointless but satisfying, prepare to release your inner geek.

Camera shutter

Phone shut

Misheard lyrics 2

Sometimes it is very difficult to hear song lyrics, although the internet pretty much means you can now look up the correct version. Here is another that I have misheard.

The Automatic - Monster.
Actual Lyric:

"What's that coming over the hill
Is it a monster? Is it a monster?"

My version:

"What's that coming over the hill
Is it a boxster? Is it a boxster?"

As in Porsche boxster, coming over the brow of a hill on the road. Seemed much more logical to me and it had the added benefit of making the song a solid driving song for true petrolheads.

20 years ago: The Great storm

On the BBC when I got up, on the news this evening, on the websites and just now I was reminded it was 20 years since the 'great storm' hit the south east of England.

Well I was in the South-West at the time where it was slightly less impressive, some trees did blow over and several roads were closed due to falling debris.

My point is yes, it was a devastating storm which killed people and destroyed property but why is it head line news today. Is it such a slow news day that we call history news, they must have been building up to this for months with all their documentaries and clips.

There are stories happening all over the world that the public need to know about and discuss. A 20 year old storm is a 1 hour documentary not national news.

I wonder sometimes whether we are raising the bar of sensationalist news so high that on most normal days nothing happens that the media feels is worth reporting. So I fear that there will be more days when it is X years since such an event occurred. News may become a five minute segment of past news.

It reminded me of a West Wing episode last night. Toby Ziegler was talking with the 4 network news editors about coverage of the republican and democratic conferences. They wanted to cut coverage down from 2 hours a night to 1 hour a night. In their words they wanted to show the acceptance of nomination speech and the balloons.

Everyone likes to see the balloons, if you have never seen the footage it is where balloons drop from the ceiling and everyone is wearing placards. Every conference would not be complete without balloons. In the UK strangely enough we are less cheer leaderish about our politics.

Toby, as I would be was incensed.

Yes, no. There isn't going to be a horse race to cover, either in New York or San Diego. But we gave you the air waves for free 70 years ago and 357 days a year you can say who's up and who's down, who won the West and who lost the South.
But what's wrong with 8 days, not every year but every 4 years, showing our leaders talking to us? Not a fraction of what they said, but what they said. And then the balloons.
- Toby Ziegler, West Wing (Quoted from Conventional viewing)

The man has a point for all that is great about humanity for all its achievements, successes and the great forum of debate that is the world, the media wish to cut current affairs programming and replace it with the latest reality TV Show.

If the public has no appetite in news it is not because it is uninteresting, it is because the media are failing in telling us the story, failing to involve us . Sensationalism has replaced debate and it can only get worse not better.

In about twenty years from now this year will be interesting, there was the great snow, the great flood x2, who knows what winter will be like. Perhaps on of the main news shows could be renamed '20 years ago today...'.

But remember 20 years ago was a great storm ...

How to ... pick your targets

The Simon Cowell approach.

Think of the job you want to apply for think of your skills, qualifications and experience for the job. Now Simon has the list of skills, qualifications and experience in front of him. You walk into the room and he ticks them off one by one. At the end of the interview he will either tell you, you have the job or tell you its not for you. Be honest because Simon will, are you good enough?

The reason I bring Simon Cowell into recruitment is because everyone has seen on the X-factor all those people who have deluded themselves that they are the next number 1 star and it is clear to everyone they are not. Applications are just the same, are you deluding yourself that you are the best?

The Way forward.

Create the check-list of skills, qualifications and experience for the job you want. Tick off the ones you already have, err on the side of caution or better still get someone else to objectively tick off the list.

For most jobs I recommend that you need at least half of the list ticked to stand a chance and that is just to get through to the next stage, not necessarily the job.

If you have less than half checked you have a few choices:

• Go for a lower position and work your way up.
• Do volunteer work in your spare time to give you some more relevant experience.
• Study for some of the qualifications.

Keep doing all of the above while you continue to make applications. Although you will get a lot of knock backs you are gaining experience and continue to add to the ticks on the list. Sooner or later you should get where you want to go but be prepared for the long haul.

If you are not prepared for the long haul and still have less than half checked really think about whether there is any point in applying. Consider how competitive the field is as well, will there be lots of high quality applicants? Your application as well as being considered in isolation will be compared to all the other applications. Recruiters do not have time to interview everyone who meet the minimum check-list criteria.

In the UK the public sector and sometimes the private sector create the check-list for you, it is the person specification. In short-listing the person specification is just checked against the application, depending on the number of applicants and the quality a score threshold is put in place and everyone above that score is invited to interview. So the higher your score the better chance you have of being interviewed.

So the first step in an application should be about being realistic about which jobs you are going to apply for. Pick your targets and put your efforts into securing that job. The scatter gun method of applying for every job rarely works.

A good application will take time to put together and therefore you need to choose carefully which jobs you apply for, after all you do not want to waste your time do you.

Next up How to ... write a good CV

How to ... Introduction

They sometimes say it is best to write about what you know, most of this blog is just random thoughts straying down my fingers and typed into words. A lot of the blog is simply a post it note for my brain, it saves having to remember everything.

I work in HR and I have previously shared some of my interview experiences offering some tips to people to give them a good chance at getting the job they want.

For one recent mass recruitment project I wrote a two page guidance note for people that did not get short-listed. Due to the numbers involved we were unable to offer specific feedback and too be honest the feedback for all of the 'regrets' (what we politely call failures) was exactly the same. They all made the same mistakes.

Recently I interviewed a candidate who had failed the first time round, on the short walk to the interview room they explained how I had helped them last time they applied, how they had taken the feedback away and really taken the information on board. They then explained how this was there nth application for the job and they were a bit nervous because it meant so much to them.

I had looked at both their new and old application form, they really had taken the advice and had nailed the application second time around.

At interview they nailed that too, although nervous they clearly emphasised their skills, experience and suitability for the job. It struck me that without that bit of advice I gave them originally they might have missed out on a job and we would have missed out on a great new employee.

Sometimes all people need is a bit of advice and no one in the recruitment world really gives practical advice especially in the early stages. The recruitment process is not perfect, we can only hire those who evidence their ability, if your not good at interviews or application forms we could easily miss you.

I have decided to write a short series of 'How to...' articles to help those that are looking for practical advice on how not to miss out on a job they could do.

First up 'How to ... pick your targets.'

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

II Waging War

7. It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on.

8. The skilful soldier does not raise a second levy, neither are his supply wagons loaded more than twice.

Notes by Zephyrist:

In warfare evil men flourish. Evil flourishes in chaos and the general populace always suffer.Sun Tzu states that anyone that has seen the full horrors of war knows this truism.

In the second paragraph Sun Tzu goes back to labouring the same point in a different way. A good warrior only needs one levy of soldiers to win and only one set of supplies. Presumably because the good warrior has chosen his perfect moment with the perfect strategy to get it right first time and secure victory.

Jericho - ITV4 Wednesday's 8pm

I have been watching this new US drama series for the last two weeks and it is turning into a must watch series.

Its starts off with following a prodigal son Jake Green returning home to a small town (population:5000) called Jericho a few hours away from Denver. Then a nuclear mushroom cloud is seen over Denver and all communication is lost without the outside world.

In the first episode is blind panic, the children are missing in a school bus somewhere, everyone can see the mushroom cloud but no one has any information and then the power goes out. One of the first panics is at the gas station where everyone is queuing for fuel. Although it is unclear where they might drive too. Certainly in both episodes no one appears to leave the district. The sheriffs department go off in search of the school bus but get caught up with some escaped criminals leaving the fire brigade to act as public order officials.

The mayor and his family including the prodigal son must then pull the town together to survive. Episode 1 ends with a stirring speech of the best community in the US from the mayor and then his son arrives with the missing school bus.

In Episode 2 the criminals roll into town looking for trouble and lethal radioactive rain storm is on its way from Denver, two hours to get everyone under cover in two small nuclear shelters. Despite some frantic repair work only the town hall shelter is functional leaving all the hospital staff, patients and other stuck with no place to go. Is the salt mine their last hope?

Meanwhile our hero Jake finds out about the criminals and heads out to rescue his friends, can he do it before the killer rain arrives?

This is a very interesting show which has potential, I shall keep watching to see how things turn out.

'Stray Matter' - utter genius!

Sometimes I come across a site where I think my photography could be so much better, sometimes I come across a site and think wow I'm never going to be this good. On very rare occasions I come across a site which makes me want to cry and throw away my camera because any photograph I ever take will only be one millionth as good as this.

Of course the rarest gem of all is a photo site with good picture descriptions. Yes, there are sites with good technical or factual descriptions. Yes, there are sites with OK poetic descriptions which complement the picture nicely but none where the link is seemless or where you cant separate the text from the picture.

A picture says a thousand words but a picture with a thousand words says a million words.

'Stray matter' is a photoblog that does all the above and more, it blows my mind far out the other side, how can a photoblog be this good.

Evocative is one word I could use, often haunting, combining the photo with the text puts you right into the picture making it a living breathing landscape.

Utter genius.

Thank you to Scotty for permission to use a thumbnail image.

Autum election not on the cards.

Smugly, I would like to point out that I was right.

Gordon Brown has now gone on record to state that that there will not be an autumn election. In his own words he acknowledged that he had a duty of care to consider a snap election but that on balance he wanted to show his vision for Briton before going to the electorate.

The Tories have regressed to childish politics and are accusing him of being a scaredy cat. I am sure if positions were reversed the Tories would have given it a miss as well.

As both sides know it was an outside shot at best and just a fishing expedition by the labour just in case conditions looked favourable. The Tories knowing this have been able to counter the move quite nicely.

In a game of two halves it looks like this one came out as a draw, although the Tories were on the defensive for the entire game. The Labour party thought they had nothing to loose but maybe went a play too far.

Of course nothing ever changes and we will be able to come back to this "will he / wont he?" next April in time for an early may election.

The prime minster was also asked by the BBC whether he would rule out an election for 2008.

"I think it's very unlikely that this will happen in the next period."

- Gordon Brown

In other words he has cleverly allowed himself leeway to call an election but made it clear as possible that the next year will not be a protracted election campaign.

The problem Gordon could come up against is that if the media and the Tories launch a campaign for election they could force Gordon hand. This is why he has tried to draw a line under the issue, Gordon knows that to win an election he must choose the right moment to call it.

Coconut Skins and the Coconut Factory

I was busy licking coconut skins (interviewing candidates) yesterday. It was a long day but there was some very good candidates who will be an asset to the organisation. Thankfully even the bad ones were not nutters, they were just not good enough this time.

The only tips that came out of yesterday was keep your hands still. At least two people were significantly fidgety that it was distracting me. I know as a candidate you may be nervous but it is best to avoid holding anything in your hands and not to play with your clothes.

I made the best fool out of myself yesterday, I temporarily lost my pen and the candidate needed one to sign some paperwork. The candidate pointed out it was already in my hand. Doh!

The chairs were a bit rubbish as well, one day in those was liking flying on a budget airline.

I was interviewing in one of the executive office blocks the organisation owns. The walls were covered in inspirational quote pictures, plenty of office space, newly decorated, the works. Just the kind of building occupied by people who go no where near the sharp end of the business and just issue edicts from their ivory tower.

Any workplace that has inspirational posters on the wall is either trying too hard or is detached from reality. Posters may even go as far as to suggest that management have used them as a sticking plaster to appease a disgruntled work force. Management seem to have this idea that inspirational posters really help.

Of course as it was all in an executive suite with guards and hyper efficient receptionists, security was very tight even the kitchen had a numeric key lock. I will be glad on Monday to return to the coal face, my trip into executive land seems like a scary psychedelic dream.

November General Election.

I am still thinking Gordon is on for a May election but my position has moved more towards a November date. Its still an outside chance but it is a possibility.

The Conservatives should be at the top of their game as with the conference they control the media cycle. Yet the media especially the red top ones are very anti Tory still. They were all busy wondering whether the Tory tax cuts make sense.

Gordon Brown despite ignoring parliament in making major policy announcements can do no wrong. No party seems to be be playing the Tony's crony card so labour are in a very strong position.

My position now would be if November was May there would be a general election.

Apparently according to the media the key day is next Wednesday, some important announcements go to parliament on Monday / Tuesday and certain media pundits are expecting Gordon to ride the wave of celebration into a general election campaign.

I am still not convinced but I am ready to eat my words.

Northern Rock possible funding sources

I have still been thinking a bit about Northern Rock mainly while looking through my spam folder. I don't open the emails as you should never open a spam email just in case but I do like looking at the senders and the subject lines.

Anyway lately I have been getting variations of "You're loan has been approved" or "We are happy to approve your loan" etc. Northern Rock must have had thousands of these offers in their spam box, did no one suggest taking advantage of such readily available credit facilities. (BTW I know there is no such loan or credit, its just a scam, I am trying to be humorous or should that be humourless.)

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

II Waging War

5. Thus, though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays.

6. There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare.

Notes by Zephyrist:

Sun Tzu is basically saying making war is all about timing. Don't rush into things but then again don't wait around for ever. The key to winning a battle is picking that one perfect moment when everything is to your advantage.

Prolonged warfare drains the state leaving it impoverished. Although there is something to be said for having an enemy or having competition. An emery stimulates growth and innovation in order to be better than your enemy. So while physical battle my not be good in the long term, a mental battle can sharpen your resources and innovation.

The Parable of the new clock

A deep throat mole in a mid level government bureaucracy clipped these emails for me.

----------------------

From: MD
To: All staff
Subject: Timekeeping
Date 01/04/07

As you are all aware the productivity project has now been completed. One of the key things that was identified was timekeeping. We as an organisation are based over many sites with workers who work 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.

It is important to know to the second what the time is, over the years an adhoc system of clocks and personal watches has been built up. However, there is no standard time, the time in head office can be five minutes faster then Glasgow time.

It was also identified that no one took responsibility for managing the time or upkeep of the time systems or where management did occur it was sporadic or labour intensive.

Therefore the management team have introduced clock 2.0 together with time 1.5 to the organisation which will centralise all clock and time management systems. This will roll out over the next couple of months. Every office will have one standardised clock powered by the mains and synchronised with the main head office clock. This £ 5 million project will pay for itself in two years from business process improvements.

Further project updates will follow in due course.

--------------------

From: Project Clock Team
To: All Staff
Subject: Clock teething problems
Date 02/04/07

There have been some minor problems with the new clock system. In some offices clocks are showing 9.10 am when it is 9.00 am and alternatively 4 pm when it is 5 pm. Managers have been penalising staff for turning up late or going home earlier. Engineers are working on the problem, however for now please ignore the clock system if it does not agree with your personal time keeping system.

--------------------------

From: Project Clock Team
To: All Staff
Subject: Clock project now fully live
Date: 03/04/07

The Clocks have now been rolled out to the entire organisation. All staff should now be using the clock system. Please note the clock works in 15 minutes units so now 1 am is now 4 clock units. All old time forms should now be returned to your local administration team. All time recording should now use the new 15 minute unit reporting system.

----------------------------

From: Head of Resources
To: All Managers; Finance staff
Subject: Watches
Date: 30/04/07

I have noticed that expenditure for new office clocks and expense claims for watches have now increased. With the state of the art clock system neither expenses can be justified.

Such claims will no longer be paid by the Finance department.

----------------------------
From:MD
To: All Staff
Subject: Clock system failures
Date: 02/05/07

It has become apparent that we are now running two parallel time keeping systems, the old paper based system and the new clock system.

I have ordered an immediate suspension of the clock system while the entire project is reviewed. A project review team has been set up and will submit it's report shortly.

-----------------------------
From: MD
To: All staff
Subject: New clock system
Date 10/05/07

We have decided to simplify all clock and time keeping systems devolving ownership to local departments. New clocks will be available from your local stores from next week.New paper forms using hour units will be sent out shortly.

This £1 million project will pay for itself in six months.

-------------------------------------

Of course the majority of organisations will never move beyond the parallel old and new system. The one thing that you need to do when implementing new processes and systems is make sure they are fit for purpose. Make sure you are not implementing something just because it is a new idea.

If the idea has been implemented before take time to find out what happened last time, don't be pompous enough to think that the implementation team just didn't do it right last time .

BBC confirms zephyrist right - election unlikely in winter.

I wrote my article before I saw this one on the BBC site. It pretty much confirms what I was saying about holding elections in mid winter.

Yeah me!

UK General Election May 2008

"Mr Brown, who did not mention any election in his speech, has so far refused to rule out an autumn poll."
-BBC online article

Well actually the chances of actually having a November election are the chances of me winning the lottery on Saturday, pretty slim.

Since 1802 (UK established 1801) there have been 53 general elections with a total of 6 being held in November, 1806, 1812, 1852, 1922, 1935. The last autumn election was in October 1974, since then the last 7 elections have all been held between April and June.

In recent times it would seem that a spring / early summer date is preferred. One of the reasons behind this is simply electorate turn out. In the winter people stay indoors so numbers are down and whichever party you are in, voters count. Especially for a party, usually for the party in power, whose voters may be a bit indifferent to voting if it is cold . After all if you want to remove a party from power you are more likely to go out and vote whatever the weather. So the sitting government has a numbers disadvantage which could cost them the election.

However weather aside, why else wont we have an election this autumn? Well Tony Blair has just left, we don't really know what Gordon Brown is all about. Gordon may be worried that the electorate might think that a change in party would be as good as a change in leader.

The cards that Gordon is keeping close to his chest is that he already knows the date of the election, it is going to be next May. Just long enough for us to find out what he is about, for him to run a campaign which says this change is only just the beginning, vote for Gordon for more of the same.

Tony Blair is nicely in the past but not too far in the past that Gordon wont be able to blame mistakes on him. The Iraq war, that was Tony possibly right at the time but in the future I will change things. NHS Problems, that was Tony too, but I have made a start so keep me for a better future.

The difference between November and May is that in May Gordon will be a prime minister with lots of new ideas which he is starting to implement and which have not had time to go wrong.

The Tories in November will be the voice of change but in May will once again be the opposition with no hope and a big case of sour grapes.

Of course Gordon wont tell us that the election is in May because that would start the general election campaign and what harm is there in speculating about when a general election might be.The government might learn some useful polling information for free and change some policies to improve their ranking.

The media love it even they know there is no chance of an autumn election but it gets everyone talking about who is and who isn't electable. After all if they couldn't talk about a potential general election they might actually have to start trying to explain party conferences and actual politics to people.

Data Sources:
Election facts taken from United Kingdom general elections (wikipedia)

Oxford early one morning

There is a beautiful avenue of trees that leads up from the River Thames to the door of Christchurch College. I popped round one morning before I went to work, it was a lovely autumn day.

The James MacTaggart Memorial Lecture - Jeremy Paxman

I have a lot of respect for Jeremy Paxman, he is the no nonsense face of the media. So any speech in which he talks about the media is bound to contain fireworks.

Although his speech is mainly about the realities of television where everything has been carefully crafted and manipulated. This was in the wake of scandals of re-edited documentaries and the telephone phone in scandals which were not really competitions. Even now new fakery is being exposed, with Blue Peter again in the frame for rigging a contest to choose a pet's name.

"We should start with some acknowledgements, the first of which is that all television is artifice to some degree. Let’s not pretend it isn’t. Even the news: when we see a reporter in waders broadcasting live from a flooded street, do we honestly think the whole town is underwater, and with it the OB truck? Every time you stick a noddy into an interview, that’s artifice. Even the live television interview itself is artifice."

-Jeremy Paxman.

After all a tv camera can present a selected edited view of the world, you have no idea what is going on behind the camera man. The tv picture is framed to fit the story, flooding is needed for a flooding story, crime and graffiti is needed for a crime story etc etc.

"It doesn’t take a genius to recognise that what links all the scandals – what is the defining problem of contemporary television – is trust: can you believe what you see on television, does television treat people fairly, is it healthy for society?"

-Jeremy Paxman.

It is easy to identify that through all things we now have a mistrust of the media, I would say the media has bought it on themselves, they have taught us to trust no one so why should we trust the media.

Jeremy talks about 'mind-numbing literalism' where the media retreat too far into reality news rather than creative interviewing and news where they draw the story out. This balance between fact and fiction is a challenge when the 24 hr news cycle must draw on rumour, conjecture and opinion to create the story. Sometimes it gets it right and sometimes wrong and each media outlet must get judged on their accuracy in hind sight.

"...television is now encountering something which politicians have had to live with for years. The weather has changed. We no longer live in a time when trust was axiomatic. The crisis of confidence in television reflects the crisis of trust in politics: the old ‘we know best’ culture – in which producers affected a patrician concern to enlighten the poor dumb creatures who were their viewers won’t wash any longer."

-Jeremy Paxman.

This is a shift away from being a pupil to being a teacher. In modern society everyone feels capable of commenting on most things. TV news has adapted by bringing in opinion trying to represent the majority view. Media has to gain the trust of the viewer, in order to gain that trust they must confirm the viewers opinion. Different opinions will cause a switch to some other media outlet. The power now rests firmly with the viewer but where does that leave the truth?

"There are too many people in this industry whose answer to the question what is television for? is to say ‘to make money.’"

-Jeremy Paxman.

This goes back to Tony Blair's speech on 'impact', impact sells and therefore impact makes money.

"Instead of seeking to enlighten the audience, they set out to second-guess them. It won’t be long before we discover what politicians have discovered: if you spend your time telling people what you think they want to hear, pretty soon you lose their respect."

-Jeremy Paxman.

I agree with the first part that the media no longer seek to enlighten but confirm what the audience already knows. I am not as sure that the public will loose their respect, with politicians the media exposed the lies, who will expose the media lies. No one in the media seems to have the balls for the job, no one wants to put their head above the parapet and shout that the Emperor wears no trousers. The only hope we have at the moment is the interweb, citizen journalism offers the Paxman like interrogation of the established truth. However, the minute the small fry get big will they not become part of the same establishment that needs to make money.

"He [Tony Blair] went on to accuse us of using extravagant language: every problem’s a crisis, policies don’t run into difficulty, they end up in tatters. We see everything in black and white, and have given up separating fact from comment.

-Jeremy Paxman.

Impact, Impact, Impact, that is all the media wants so everything is a crisis with no grey area and hindsight is always used to blame someone especially if they can force a resignation.

"But I found the media’s response – and particularly the response of the television industry - to the Blair challenge pretty depressing. Hardly anyone engaged with the substance of the criticisms – of our triviality, our short-sightedness, our preoccupation with conflict. The immediate and almost universal reaction was not to examine the charge sheet, but to utter a blanket plea of ‘not guilty’, usually followed by well, you misled us about WMD, as if that somehow entitles us to say whatever we like. Well, it won’t do."

-Jeremy Paxman.

Even when faced with a direct attack and a challenge for an open discussion on the future of the industry the media ignores the argument claiming that such criticism comes from a tainted source. If the media polices the politicians who polices the media, such an important part of society surely cannot be allowed to self regulate.

Jeremy goes on to suggest that the media is too close to politicians and this stifles meaningful debate on issues. He quotes a recent example with prisoners were released early. The media responded by interviewing the minister and shadow minister, there was no debate with other interested parties, no discussion of the issues only an attempt to portray the government as incompetent.

"Are we instinctively oppositional? With the exception of honeymoons like the start of the Blair years, I think we are. Does it matter? Well, it would obviously be better if we always acted thoughtfully. But on the whole, I think the interests of democracy are better served than in a system where the media think it part of their duty to help the government get its way."

-Jeremy Paxman.

Again I am at odds with Jeremy although I have no objection to a media which plays devil's advocate against the incumbent government I do think it is the responsibility of the media to provide balance in its reporting. That means as well as criticising, challenging bad policy we must celebrate good policy and success.

"What no-one ever says when covering these stories is that rationing is the inevitable consequence of the fact that people won’t pay more in taxes. Let none of us for a moment suggest the British people might be hypocritical or even thoughtless. No danger of that at GMTV. No danger, really, of it anywhere."

-Jeremy Paxman.

This example comes up every week, person with health condition cant get treatment on NHS, NHS says it is too expensive. As an individual they deserve it but when people consider the finite budget different people must take priorities. Yes this becomes a cold hearted statistical approach devoid of emotion but on what other basis can we determine who gets the funds. Do we expect a judge type person who considers whether the person deserves the treatment.

The same can be said about road safety, people have to die on a stretch of a road before new safety measures are put in. Although no one like the concept there is a priority list of improvement based on causalities per mile. Although there is never an acceptable level of deaths with a finite budget there has to be.

The media never really tell this story, they portray managers of uncaring automatons incapable of emotion. Manager will not defend themselves by telling the truth above because that would confirm the view but the decisions still have to be taken each and every day.

"Would it not be a lot more sophisticated –and honest - to acknowledge sometimes that things may be more complicated than they appear?"

-Jeremy Paxman.

Thankfully this is what Channel 4 news and shows like Newsnight often do, but this is not representative of the more widespread media who value impact above all else.

"Overall, I have to say that I think standards of probity on television are pretty high. I believe most of what I see on television, and when, in the heat of the moment, things turn out to be wrong, I’m willing to give those responsible the benefit of the doubt: it’s not easy getting things clear in the early stages of any moving story."

-Jeremy Paxman.

I have mixed views, I think some television does the job very well but equally some news shows do it very badly. I cannot watch ITV news because of what I perceive as a low standard of the truth, I see ITV as comparable to a red top newspaper. News is complex and ITV just over simplify and sensationalise it. However the same news organisation produces the Channel 4 news so they are capable of producing quality news. Do they in fact just dumb down to the audience's level?

Jeremy does identify one of the key issues, with breaking news the media often get the story wrong and they should be careful of passing off speculation or opinion as fact. This has got a lot worse with 24 hour news, something needs to fill the gaps in between the facts coming in.

"But the problem is that all news programmes need to make noise. The need’s got worse, the more crowded the market’s become. We clamour for the viewers’ attention: “Don’t switch over. Watch us! You won’t be disappointed!”"

"God knows, just look at almost any regional news programme, with its tawdry catalogue of misfortune, recited in deadbeat vocabulary. You’d think that every child in the city was being sexually abused, every journey every day disrupted, resulting in ‘pure misery’, every teenager a drug-crazed psychopath. Does it alarm? Sure. Does it help us understand? You must be joking."

-Jeremy Paxman.

Jeremy wonders whether there is in fact enough news for 24 hour channels but points out that regional news could expand to fill any hole in the schedules. Is this news any good unless you are directly affected. Or does it just give you a jaded view of the world, a sort of modern day brainwashing with no cure?

"But in the very crowded world in which television lives, it won’t do to whisper, natter, cogitate or muse. You have to shout. The need is for constant sensation. The consequence is that reporting now prizes emotion over much else."

-Jeremy Paxman.

News has to have an image which provokes an emotional response to hook the viewer. They have to become emotionally involved in the story. Sometimes you will get a news reader says that some viewers will find the following pictures emotionally disturbing. Is this really a warning or just another way of saying keep watching. If the pictures are so disturbing do they need to show them.

"In this press of events there often isn’t the time to get out and find things out: you rely upon second-hand information – quotes from powerful vested interests, assessments from organisations which do the work we don’t have time for, even, god help us, press releases from public relations agencies. The consequence is that what follows isn’t analysis. It’s simply comment, because analysis takes time, and comment is free."

-Jeremy Paxman.

I feel some what vindicated as I have long maintained that the media have an over reliance of going to interested parties for comments without doing the leg work themselves. The first thing we should ask ourselves is what does the source get out of it? What bias are they bringing to the story. The warning to the media is don't pass comment off as fact.

"My point is that there comes a point where the frenzy has to be put to one side, the rolling story halted, so that we can make sense of things. Television journalism’s justification should be the justification of journalism through the ages: to inquire, to explain and to hold to account."

-Jeremy Paxman.

Spot on, the media like to keep the story rolling, they dont often review things. Jeremy is right about the justification of journalism, it job is "to inquire, to explain and to hold to account". This is what good journalism is about and it should be a fact of life not an aspiration in a speech about the future of the media.

"Despite the last few months, I do not believe that this uniquely powerful medium has been taken over by charlatans. But we ought to acknowledge that parts of it are in danger of losing their redeeming virtues. We need to be open. We need to admit when we make mistakes. We need treat our viewers with respect, to be frank with them about how and why programmes were made, to be transparent.

We need, in short, to rediscover a sense of purpose."

-Jeremy Paxman.

Final words from Jeremy, I agree I don't think journalists are inherent show men or gossip merchants, but they do need to take a look sometimes and ask themselves whether the story has value and what the truth actually means.

In this speech Jeremy suggests that the media had not addressed Tony Blair's criticisms of the modern media. Jeremy I think you went a long way to answer them and start an open intelligent debate on the role of the media in modern society.

Northern Rock final notes

The news cycle moves into its final phase. The Northern rock is now obviously safe, no one can be blamed in the government so the last two targets are the Bank of England and the fat cat bosses. At this stage the media are able to accuse people of knowing exactly what would happen and that they stood by and did nothing. Of course it is always easiest to criticise after the event.

Mr King, Bank Of England Governor has defended his actions by saying that to intervene earlier would have been to prop up bad loan decisions. I support him, to have done otherwise would have given a clear signal that a bank can take excessive risks without any consequences. If there were any problems the Bank of England would bail them out.

As for the fat cats they could have seen this coming but in order to build their business they took risks. There is nothing wrong with their business model but it does rely on a prosperous confident inter-bank loans market. When the loan market tightened Northern Rock entered marshy ground. There perhaps should have been an internal emergency plan to deal with the situation.

The one clear thing that has come out of this is what we need to do to stop a run on a bank. Deposits of the general public need to be protected to maintain the confidence in the financial system. The government is currently looking at plans to protect up to £100,000 of any deposit in a bank or building society.

If you have more money than that on deposit in any one bank you should consider spreading the money around and take further financial advice on how to minimise your risk exposure. Remember banks are businesses just like any other, they can go broke. These days because it is all electronic money they can go down fast. Don't put all your eggs in one basket the Bank of England wont always come riding to the rescue.

ZBB2 - Zero based bureaucracy

The business types among us may already know about ZBB - which is Zero based budgeting. The idea behind ZBB is that instead of adding a cost of inflation onto departmental budgets you outline your budget from scratch setting out what you want to do and costing it up. It can be a very intensive but thorough process. It makes managers really justify their budgets but only if the scrutiny board / panel remain objective otherwise it just becomes another traditional attempt at re-inventing the wheel.

Anyway as far as I am concerned that was ZBB version 1, now we move onto ZBB2 - which is zero based bureaucracy. Which instead of justifying budget you justify paperwork and processes.

Of course you start by scrapping everything (Are you scared yet- that includes those triplicate based forms where copies get sent to different departments). Step 2 if half of your organisation haven't just had multiple heart attacks is to rebuild it from the bottom up. Start with setting out what you want to do, then identify the information required to facilitate this and then finally the absolute minimal process from get to the start to the finish. So end, start and then middle.

Throughout this process it is important to be able to challenge the whole team:

WARM DREAD

• 'Why?' - If it cant be justified it gets binned.
• Ask the people that operates the procedures. This is not a management process, this is a worker process, managers should only facilitate.
• Risks - Take risks and turn your back on tradition. Triplicate copies are obsolete - if it is stored on computer it is much safer than storing on a paper file. Computer files are backed up, paper files are not. You don't know it wont work till you try it. To be human is to learn by our mistakes not compound them.
  
• Minimise - Always minimise the process.

• Discuss it to death - you have time, you are going to save a lot of it from cutting red tape.
• Re- energise - Don't rest on your laurels, the chances are even the bravest people wont cut all the processes they can, but when you see it start to work keep going.
• Evolve- Make the department evolve. Don't think in terms of cutting jobs, in tandem with this process identify new things you can get involved with.
  
• Ask - If your not sure about something ask, keep challenging, keep asking 'why?'
• Drag - Don't let other departments drag you down. This process is going to involve telling some departments no. Don't be afraid, help them find another way, maybe even ZBB2.

You can of course use the more traditional tools like 'SMART' and 'SMARTER' to identify and structure departmental objectives.

I leave you with this thought, when I take over my very own HR Department let the whole organisation prepare for the coming of 'ZBB2 - Warm Dread' - It was a time of change, a new leader emerged from behind the mountain paperwork - he was greeted with warm dread (said in best husky movie trailer voice)

Speeches that changed the world

I have seen this book around and it spoke to me as a book that should really be in my collection. After all like most people I am aware of great speeches like the Gettysburg address or the 'I have a dream speech' but I have never actually read them. Plus I am fascinated by such things so when a book token came into my hands I went to get the book.

The speeches have been chosen because of their impact on the world. Some were made by great men, some by evil men and other were made at the right time in the right place.

As good history always does they give us pause for thought sometimes exposing humanity at its greatest and weakest. History has much to teach us and so do these speeches.

Northern Rock watch

Well Northern Rock is still headline news despite nothing more happening. Yawn this story is getting old. The media even the venerable BBC have started interviewing pensioners in the bank queue's who are worried about their pension. Yet, the bank has not collapsed and will not collapse. It is backed by the Bank of England, the government has now gone as far as saying it will guarantee all deposits at Northern Rock.

So why are people still withdrawing money, because the media say so and because everyone else is. Seriously where is the story now. The only story now is 'media seek to undermine the UK banking system'.

The stock market is also looking for the next vulnerable target try to make a profit if another bank hits financial difficulties. The one flaw is that the whole financial system is based on trust. In society we find it difficult to trust any more which can only lead to further instability in the future.

The media and those that do what the media tell them to do or think are part of the problem.