Interviewing

Interviewing today, so for a change it was a good day, although there was a small matter of talking to children to deal with first.

The first interview of the day is always a bit of an unknown quantity. I usually start with a polystyrene cup of coffee in my hand praying to whoever might be listening that if they get me through this first interview, I promise to be good in the future. For the umpteenth time I whine in my head that yet again I have started the interviews as earlier as possible leaving myself a bit flustered.

Of course by this time I have fetched the interviewee or victim up from reception and made a bit of small talk while trying to remember which interview room I am using today. Then there is the fact that they don't know where they are going so they are constantly two paces behind me so I having to lean over my shoulder, make small talk and try to avoid tripping over my own feet as I plod up the stairs. Multi tasking the HR way, absolutely no chance with out a decent cup of coffee preferably filter possibly fair trade. Although I think the canteen hasn't yet heard of fair-trade yet, I am still trying to persuade them that black crunchy bacon described as crispy is possibly against the trade descriptions act.

So anyway the candidate is now lost in the block I call home to the point where I could take them back to the front door and say the interview panel is just through here and then kick them out back into the fresh air. After some interviews I sometimes think that the candidate would have preferred that quick death rather than the slow laboured lingering death rattle that they suffered at interview.

In the room its time to get comfy, unfortunately, for the candidate we use chairs which are mini sofas. You have the choice of almost reclining horizontally and coming across un-interested or leaning forward and intimidating the interviewers. I am never really that intimidated but there have been some nasty incidents when I thought the candidate was going for my coffee. Difficult decisions for the interviewee but I am still wondering whether I can survive the interview without a refill.

On to the questions and contrary to popular belief I have not judged you yet, I wait till after we have marked the questions, bit traditional I know. Then I judge you and when weighed in the balance you may come out wanting or you may not but it will be your answers in the next 30 minutes that will decide.

Onto the questions, we have some standard ones like strength, weaknesses, what would your colleagues say about you, tell me about yourself etc etc. Every answer different, but I am still somewhat amazed that otherwise intelligent people have not practised the answers. If you don't get these right you stand no chance with the section two questions. I know its a bit hard to get your head round the idea that there are standard questions but do you think we have a questions department, Noel Edmonds moonlighting with interview questions out back.

Section 2 "What if" questions. Usually by this time I am starting to pay attention unless you have sapped my will to live in part 1. If you have potential but seem to be fluffing the answer I will try to help by asking follow up questions. Little tip any follow up question must have an answer I don't waste valuable air in asking trick questions.

So there you are sitting in front of me, you have no idea what I am thinking and I have no real idea what your thinking, and somehow we still have half an interview to get through. If I am unlucky the section 2 questions turn into an applicant monologue. What you think is a thorough, concise answer actually translates into a long rambling answer where the interviewer starts to catch ever third second.After the interview the members of the panel have to reconstruct your answer from scrappy notes like a jigsaw. "I have an edge with a small dog", "Oh I have the dog's ball". Well you get the idea.

If your good and I am lucky you will breeze through the "What If's?". You have done your research, you are smarter than the average bear and you are actually vaguely interested in the job.

Then my final job is to close it "Do you have any questions?". Sometimes said with a sigh as I finally put you out of your misery and let you relax or sometimes with a prayer that you don't get out your small list you prepared early and ramble on for another thirty minutes.

All done. Time to go, collect up your stuff and I take you back through the maze, taking you down the same corridor twice just to see if you notice. More small talk, "how did it go?...yes you did seem a bit nervous...was it your first interview..what are you doing for the rest of the day? and so on.

Back to the door and it feels like I kicked you out of the door into the cold cruel world knowing that behind closed doors I am discussing your fate and giving you the gladiatorial thumbs up or thumbs down.

Actually I am just on my way to get a refill on the coffee and quickly read up on the next applicant and decide whether I need to probe a bit further on anything on their CV.

Then the second becomes the third, are we on the fourth / fifth, is it lunch time yet ?. Sixth rolls on to seven drags through to eight and we arrive at the bun fight.

The bun fight is where everyone on the interview panel starts throwing buns around, or having scored everyone, if as usual there is no clear winner we start arguing minor points. She has solid customer service experience, ah but this one had good team leader experience, yes but he didn't answer this question well.

Finally members of the panel start to group together and in the end it starts to narrow down until you have two people to choose from. I know and the rest of the panel knows they could both do the job and we have no evidence to suggest who would be the best for the company, we are not psychic. So the panel sits and argues, and at this point I am usually huddled quietly round a coffee hoping the the line managers will agree on something, anything please. So I sit, wait and watch for a kink in the argument, some small point of difference or promise. I throw the hat into the ring and make a decision, if they go my way we take that applicant, if they disagree with me we take the other applicant. If they dither I threaten them with interviewing another 8 people next week, strangely enough no manager has every dared take my offer.

Secretly, when we get down to the final two I sometimes just want to flip a coin, it will make no difference in the long run. Or make a decision and appoint both to learn who was the better candidate and what we missed at interview. It becomes a sliding doors moment, two futures, two paths, this decisions changes the world. Well it might do, prove me wrong.

Then I rewind the tape and start over, but this time all the actors and all the stories are different but the coffee reassuringly remains the same.

Please Note: Although the above may come across as cynical, it could not be farther from the truth. I hope I am a friendly interviewer and try to help people wherever I can and even if they are not suitable I endeavour to offer some constructive feedback.

I love interviewing and would happily do it day in day out. I never get tired of people and all the different stories and approaches they have.