Chris Moyles and the sixty piece orchestra

I like the new jingle called "morning movie", very classy. Only thing is Chris keeps talking all over it, only kidding Chris.

From the link above you can hear it in its full , building glory until the final salute of "The Chris Moyle's Show BBC Radio 1!".

Your doing a cracking job keep it up. Not that I can show my trend credentials by saying I am an avid listener to Radio 1, I have never liked the music even when I was a young un. I have always liked the talky bits of the Chris Moyle's show, he is a good laugh and occasionally he does play a song I can listen to and enjoy.

Crack on Chris and the team.

Snow watch update

Well some more snow around, it snowed nicely yesterday for about half an hour around 5 pm but didn't settle. It must have snowed again last night as when I went out to the car as there was a frosty sprinkling.

Possibly more snow towards the weekend, watch this space.

Post 400: Snow watch round up

Leg 4.

Well I got to Day 4 and stopped posting, mainly because after that the persistence of the snow and ice, it was all beginning to sap my strength and certainly the enjoyment factor. Driving everywhere in 2nd gear and being barely able to maintain speed and direction can get a bit tiresome after a while.

As far as I can remember it snowed on the 8th lightly giving a further 0.5 cm of snow around 6 - 7 in the evening.

Then it snowed heavily on the 13th January and it seemed to be a lot worse in Oxford. The snow was so bad that morning I am surprised the police did not say only travel if necessary. Everyone was trying to get into work and the worst of the snow hit the rush hour. It was not a good day, on the way to work I was bouncing off the curbs trying to maintain direction. The snow was falling heavily, the roads becoming impassible and I decided to turn around and go home while I still could.

Then by Thursday the ice rink roads had cleared again.

All the snow cleared by that weekend although some of the piles still haven't quite gone even now.

Leg 5 - 20 January 2010

A bit of a damp squib, yesterday there was some very wet snow which did kind of settle slightly on the grass but soon melted away in the rain.

Snow Watch 09/10 - Leg 4 Day 4

Well Day 4 and although the snow is lovely, having to drive to work is a nightmare.

In Oxfordshire they are being very sparing with the grit which means any local roads are still covered in snow / ice and not good to drive on at all. The difference can be seen driving north off the A34 onto the A41 towards Aylesbury.

A34 gritted and maintained by the Highways Agency perfect, no snow or slush able to made near normal speeds of about 50 mph. Both Lanes open. The A41 the other side of the M40 roundabout maintained by Oxfordshire County Council, one lane vaguely clear, one lane covered in snow passable by the brave and 4 x 4's. Its pretty pathetic really.

Other local roads even if they don't grit they could at least use a snow plough on them. There is almost 2-3 inches of compacted snow which is getting quite treacherous.

I know the arguments about it being a 1 in 40 year event, other areas are getting priority gritting etc etc. Surely there are contingency plans. Someone who set themselves up with a snowplough and a warehouse full of grit could make a lot of money at the moment.

Plan A,

• set up a massive southern counties Depot containing at least one months grit for the entire south.
  
• put in a rail terminal, get rid of the lorries and make it a lot easier to get the grit out and deliver to any point over the rail network.
  
• Seek alternative supplies, perhaps you don't have to use grit, what about sand, maybe even chalk?
  
• Organise volunteers to shovel, grit and snowplough. Everyone would muck in if it was organised. This goes back to the civil emergencies force I have talked about previously.
• Create laws making householders responsible for their own pavements and driveways.
• create a fleet of flame-thrower ice vehicle, which burns the ice off the road.
• Send 40 MP's on an all expenses paid trip to Sweden to find out how they do it (Joking - although this is the one thing most likely to happen).
  

Any more ideas to help the experts because clearly they need some?

On another subject by the look of the met office weather warnings the heavy snow possible for leg 5 has moved from Sunday / Monday to Saturday / Sunday. Apparently we can expect another 1 - 5 cm of snow.

Watch this space.

Snow Watch 09/10 - Leg 4 update

Wow leg 4 was a complete blast, it snowed for around 15 hours and we ended up with a good eleven inches of snow. I went wading in it early this morning, it was so much fun.

Thats the end of this leg unless you count when the snow gets very compacted, icy and very dangerous.

However leg 5 is already in the offing with a new early warning of heavy snow on Sunday. I somehow down the 11 inches will have vanished by then. If it keeps on coming we could end up with a Candadian style winter. I even saw tracks in the snow which proved somebody had been using snow chains.

Here are some snowy pictures from Chadster, North Oxfordshire.

Last night 05/01, 2000- 2300 about 3 inches of lying snow.























































Some Photos taken approx 1645 today 06/01 with approx 11 inches of lying snow

Leg 4 - Very Heavy Snowfal

This is the first time I have ever seen a flash warning for very heavy snow in my area.

& South East England: Hampshire Oxfordshire W Berkshire	Very Heavy Snowfall	2000 Tue 5	1100 Wed 6
	There is a high risk of an extreme weather event affecting parts of Southern England this evening and overnight. A period of exceptionally heavy snowfall is expected with accumulations of 15-30 cm and perhaps in excess of 40 cm. This is expected to cause widespread disruption to the transport network and could lead to problems with power supplies. The public are advised to take extreme care and refer to the Highways Agency for further advice on traffic disruption on motorways and trunk roads. Issued at: 1633 Tue 5 Jan

Extracted from the met office website at 1855 hrs on 05/01/10. Please check the website for further details as it may have been updated since then.

Chek it out "accumulations of 15-20 cm and perhaps in excess of 40cm", I so want to see what "excess of 40 cm" means, that is heading towards a foot and a half of snow which is half way up to my knees. I have having a snowtasm here.

To update on the history of snow in Oxfordshire for today. I was at work just north of Oxford and it started snowing lightly at 1530 hrs approx. This continued and become what can be described as light but persistent steady snow. Given that the ground was already frozen it was settling happy, even with just a few flakes. I left work to drive home when the ground was lightly covered with no sign of a let up. Better to be safe than sorry. Driving home was cool, no one told me that driving in snow is like being in star wars as the snow flakes come from a point of origin towards you. Driving home was a bit slow as a lot of people probably had the same idea as me and one or two people refused to go above 4o miles an hour. The roads were completely clear and I got home safely.

Since then it has continued being light but persistent and is slowly building up on the ground. On the ground now is approx 0.5 cm. It is expected to snow for at least the next twelve hours but at current fall rate I would only expect 3 - 5 cm. However the weather warning is in effect from 2000 hrs tonight and if the rate increases then accumulations of the sort they talk about in the weather warning above are very possible.

More updates as they come in to the snow desk here in Chadster, North Oxfordshire.

Snow Watch 2009/2010 leg 3

I think leg 2 was between the 21 - 25 of December when I was on holiday so I missed that observation and so will call this leg 3.

Leg 3 is a heavy dusting of snow observed now although it seems to only be a shower. Nothing was on the met office web site and we were even expecting it. A London snow watcher who happened to be visiting for the weekend has also confirmed the observation.

It has settled giving a light covering over the ground, may even go for a walk in a while.

It has been reported to the Met Office via their snow report page which seems not to recognise 2010 so I had to submit it as the 01/01/09. Modern technology eh?

More snow reports will undoubtedly follow in what seems to be shaping up to be a great snow season.

The True meaning of Christmas

Its at this time of year after the annual watching of a version of "A Christmas Carol" (Patrick Stewart as scrooge and Richard E. Grant living up to what his middle initial may well stand for - Excellent), the odd mince pie and a glass of your favourite tipple that thoughts turn to what is the true spirit of Christmas.

I also feel that I should either be a member of the royal family or a member of the clergy or indeed a well respected member of the fourth estate, passing judgement on what Christmas should be.

It is in a sense what you make of it. What it is not is another day on which to compare ourselves to other people to determine whether our Christmas has been success. Long ago I worked out that it is the lot of most of us that we will never be the best at whatever we do, there will always be someone who can do it better. The consolation prize as it were is that I and you can do whatever it is our way and there is no one in this truly wonderful world who could do it quite the way we could.

That is the little bit of magic inside all of us and we can use that magic to create a Christmas that is magic to us. We may not have the biggest turkey, we may all start fighting by 10 am in the morning and we may not get anything we actually wanted for Christmas but at least it is our Christmas with our family and we all bought the magic.

Christmas will never be perfect however much money or even planning goes into it. Often it is the small inexpensive gestures that we remember in the new year. What presents do you remember from Christmas past?

One thing I love about Christmas is the carols, you cant beat a good sing along and it is one of the many things I look forward to each year. It doesn't matter whether you can sing or just shout, it is a spontaneous expression of joy and certainly clears the cobwebs from the lungs.

Tonight on Christmas Eve everyone is preparing for the big day looking forward to whatever is special for them. Father Christmas is criss crossing the sky delivering presents to the children in time for the dawn of Christmas day.

It is this spirit of giving and the belief of universal love and peace that is central to the more spiritual side of Christmas. On one day a year we think of loved ones and strangers and look to make the world a better place in the coming year.

It is a beautiful place this world of ours.

To all my readers, Merry Christmas to you and your families. The joys of the season to you and yours.

Snow Watch leg 1 part 2 update

Well nothing yet, I have had reports from reporters in Maidenhead, High Wycombe and London of snow showers during the day. In Oxfordshire the weather for the day has been wet and cold. The whitest stuff I have seen was last nights sleety hail.

However if the met office had big chuffing alarm bells they would be ring all over the shop. From tonight through tommorrow morning there is a weather warning out for Oxfordshire of "Be aware" with a moderate risk of severe weather. Rain showers will turn increasingly to snow. Accumulations of up to 5 cm are likely.

Call me a snow sceptic but I will wait and see what happens, at the moment it looks like leg 1 will be a damp squib.

Snow Watch 09/10 early start with a bit of unconfirmed light snow

Yes I do declare the Snow Watch 2009/2010 season open. This may be the last season in Chadster, North Oxfordshire as the snow watch base of operations may move HQ at some point next year.

Well I was driving home from work this evening in what can be best described as hailish sleet. It was white aand slightly sleety with a hint of hardness. I would not class it as snow as visibility remain good, there was no sign of floating flakes and snow generally does not make a noise when it hits the floor.

As is tradition in the first possible sighting of snow in a season we look back at the earliest recorded snowfall in Chadster.

The 2008/09 Season started on the 28 October with significant snowfall on January 19 2009.

The 2007/08 Season started on the 18 November with significant snowfall on April 06 2008.

So this season is a late start, does this mean we could be in for lots of heavy snow. Watch this space. This intrepid snow watch reporter will report live from Chadster throughout the season.

The met office currently has a "be aware" notice out for eastern counties for Thursday and Friday of this week. There is a moderate risk of severe weather with local accumulations of between 5 to 10 cm of snow.

Avid snow watchers will know that such an early warning can quickly turn into a warning for blizzard or just as equally into a day of sunshine and showers. Watch the skies.

How would the Twitter generation have coped with 9/11? (PC Pro blogger)

This is another interesting article by the PC pro blogger Barry Collins.

Barry is thinking of Sept 11, 2001 and how technology today would change how we would have heard about such an event now. There were few camera phones around in 2001 and social networking at least on the scales of twitter and face book has not yet taken off. There were still bulletin boards and other internet forums you could log on to which did much the same things but these were perhaps not as mainstream as twitter and facebook. Barry missess this point slightly and suggests there was no comparable internet media source.

What Barry imagines is that the minute the plane hit the first tower the internet would be awash with photos, tweets and status updates about the attack. The rumours would fly around the internet until the truth was lost. As Barry points out the established news media struggled to keep up with the unfolding crisis and was full of rumours that day.

Barry goes onto point out there would be no censoring of the material went out. Everything would go out onto the internet. Could you imagine if someone had been streaming live onto the internet from inside the twin towers. Now imagine if 100's of people were doing it. I recently saw a documentary which included lots of personal video footage from outside the twin towers, from streets or apartments. These were very raw and emotional even 8 years on. I am not sure I can imagine the horror of watching footage of someone trying to get down the stairs in the twin towers hearing a rumble from above and then a few seconds of film before the signal breaks. There is footage from camera crews that were close in to the towers that are already quite shocking to watch. Do we need such emotional scars on our public psyche? Are we immune to events reports in this fashion? Would uncensored material actually cause emotional distress on a grander scale, in the future could people who were not even there suffer post traumatic stress could a similar attack paralyse the entire population. As the gap between reality and virtual reality decreases could it feel like we were actually in the middle of the crisis ourselves rather than just a spectator.

I remember the tube attacks in London in 2005. It started off with a news article about delays on the underground due to an electricity supply problem and went on from there. I followed the story on the urban 75 forums where people who had been caught up in it started posting. It was faster, personal and more raw than the mainstream news.

One of the problems with citizen media is that often people will take footage on their mobile phone and not help. I remember a few years back hearing about a horrific crash where a family was killed and the police not only had to deal with the accident but deal with motorists going the other way slowing down and using their mobile phones to get footage of the accident. Is there a legitimate reason to take such footage or have we turned into ghouls looking to get the most raw uncensored footage on the internet to get the highest views on you tube ever? Have we forgotten about the human lives destroyed?

The Poundshop sketch

Man walks into a pound shop, grabs a shop assistant and points to a bowl?

Man: How much is that?
Shop assistant: One pound.
Man: Oh that's too expensive. How much for that one?
SA: That is one pound.
Man: What, is everything one pound in here?
SA: Yes
Man: How about I give you 50 p for that bowl.
SA: No, perhaps you should try the 50p shop down the road.
Man: Why how much would a bowl cost in there?

(Probably needs a bit of work but you get the idea.)

The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton

The book is one of those quirky books that I pick up from time to time. Michael Crichton is one of those great thriller writers that I enjoy, the majority of the time he hits the spot with a good solid thriller. This is a good old fashioned bank job set in the Victorian age robbing the Crimean gold off the Dover steam train. (wikipedia factual record)

Michael Crichton writes a gripping story loosely based on the facts woven into a good solid page turner.

Victorian workplace rules.

As I was going through the book there were some interesting snippits that I thought would be worth clipping.

Rules for Office Staff (early 1854)

1. Godliness, cleanliness and punctuality are the necessities of a good business.
2. The firm has rreduced the working day to the hours from 8.30 a.m. to 7 p.m.
3. Daily prayers will be held each morning in the main office. The clerical staff will be present.
4. Clothing will be of a sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright color.
5. A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff brings 4 lbs of coal each day during cold weather.
6. No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from Mr Roberts. The calls of nature are permitted and clerical staff may use the garden beyond the second gate. This area must be kept clean and in good order.
7. No talking is allowed during business hours.
8. The cravings of tobacco, wines or spirits is a human weakness, and as such is forbidden to the clerical staff.
9. Members of the clerical staff will provide their own pens.
10. The managers of the firm will expect a great rise in the output of work to compensate for these near Utopian Conditions.

It should be noted that this quote is from a work of fiction, there is no record whether Michael Crichton copied an original sheet of rules from a Victorian workplace or created a new fictional rule book.

I wonder if the government has thought or reinstating these "near Utopian conditions" for the current crop of bankers. A hundred years later nearly all of those rules have long been swept away, although to be fair if you want good stationary at work you still have to buy your own.

Everything can be found somewhere on the internet where everything means 99%

The all mighty google search these days means that anything no matter how obscure can be typed into its search box and before you know it you are surfing through thousands of pages about some obscure tiny subject.

However, every so often I run a search on google which reminds me that even given the infinite large number of pages of the internet I still cannot find the one page I want.

When I was young probably around 15 years ago I went to the Scilly Islands and at the time I found a print which I just had to buy. Cant remember how much it cost. My parents bought it for me and it has been one of my most prize possessions ever since especially as my parents had it framed for me.

So one evening I am looking at this modern print which is a picture of Bishop's rock lighthouse in the moonlight in oils by J Wilson Hepburn. I think to myself I could use the *awesome* power of the search engine to find out more about this artist and see if there are other prints I would like.

So I pop along to google and type in the words "J Wilson Hepburn".

Google Search for J Wilson Hepburn

All you get is a few hints that there are indeed originals that have been sold at auction for not very large amounts but no sign of any prints.

Lot 33 - J. Wilson Hepburn - oil on board A view of St Mawes.

Lot 40 - J. WILSON-HEPBURN (XX): An oil on artist's board of the Fish Market and harbour of Mevagissey.

Bonham's - J. Wilson Hepburn, Moonlit river scene, oil on canvas, signed, 60 x 90cm. £94.

Just hints of things and the links don't really give you any further information.

Of course in searching it doesn't help that the surname is similar to "Audrey Hepburn"

Here is what I know I think he is a Cornish artist that painted in oils, I suspect in the late 1800's. Other than that I know very little.

If anyone could give me more information I would be very interested. If anyone knows of any prints or originals for sale I would at the very least be interested in hearing more. If anyone has the original of my print which I would guess is somewhere in the Scilly Isles I would be extremely interested.

Until I get this information and can post it on my blog I am afraid we must conclude that as of now the world is still larger and contains more information than the internet.

Did Stephen Fry and Twitter really score a victory for free speech? (PCPro)

This was a very interesting blog article from the PCpro writer Barry Collins. Nearly everyone will have heard about the parliamentary question that was subject to a gagging order. Depending on who you listen to Twitter and Stepehn Fry in a blow for democracy and free speech spread it all over the internet, proving that you cant gag free speech or perhaps proving the "twittering classes" are willing to break the law.

The article basically points out while everyone is giving each other high five's in getting information which should have been in the public domain out, what happens when information that shouldn't be released is broadcast on twitter.

Twitter is a public lynching waiting to happen. Technology has allowed us to move on from throwing stones to throwing tweets, we can all act now on rumours and gossip and devolve ourselves of responsibility to join the mob mentality. How long before a name is given out on twitter in a horrific criminal case which leads to an assault or worse a public lynching. How about national security information which jeopardises security or criminal cases. Twitter is not above the law and people that tweet should be aware that they may be breaking the law by releasing confidential information. The consequences of a major breach in security or information released which lead to damage or injury would be dealt with seriously by the law courts.

Mob mentality has always been a problem but with lightening fast technology where rumours are trusted more than official news organisations mobs can easily be mislead or mis-guided and dire consequences may arise. We have yet to see the potential of twitter to cause mayhem, lets hope we are prepared when the time comes.

With Freedom of speech comes responsibility, the responsibility of knowing when to talk and when to shut up.

18 monkeys sitting at a keyboard

I have written a perl script that simulates eighteen monkeys each hitting one key either a letter of the alphabet or space key. They are trying to write the line " To be or not to be".

"Why?" I hear half the world scream, "For goodness sake, why? Think of the children!". Sorry slipped into a Simpson moment there.

Anyway I have written this totally geeky pointless script just because I can. It was a personal challenge to myself, can a mild mannered recruitment officer who knows a bit about perl write a script that will achieve this.

To explain the mechanics, I create a sequence of 18 random numbers between 1 and 27. Convert that all into letters or a space, then compare it to the text I want, calculate the percentage match and repeat until I get a decent match. For the maths bods out there the actual odds of hitting a perfect sequence are 18 to the power 27. In other words a really really really large number.

So anyway tonight I have been running batches of 2000000 iterations and outputting to a file every combination with a match over 7 letters.

Here are the results so far:

The highest ever match is 9 letters off a run of 200000000 iterations which just goes to show hitting the full eighteen letters could be a bit of a miracle. That run took 3 hours to do.

The interesting thing is that 8/9 letter is starting to make almost recognisable word patterns:

6533243 TULBEHXRBGMK EO BE 9
7596871 DO SJOR FOOUHU BO 8
15070898 AOSBH RQMNLT GO AA 8
41948431 TOPKGJCE ROTSTOJSE 8
83387651 TOEBOYXY UKT HP FE 8
131295542 NO BGVIR TPTGTX MB 8
123724196 TOIBXRY BENT TOWTE 8

I should explain the first number is the iteration, then we have the code sequence and finally the number of matching letters.

Ok so most of them still sound like the Russian or Japanese version of "to be or not to be" but bits are beginning to make sense.

Next experiment reduce the number of letters in the phrase to see if we can hit the high matches quicker. Maybe I will try "Out damned spot" but really I need something even shorter.

Andrew Marr and Journalism

I have been reading Andrew Marr's Book entitled "My trade" off and on for the last year. For those of you who are unaware he is a British political journalist.

His book is all about journalism and although I haven't read much of it one of the quotes in his history of journalism resonated through the years with some of the points I have expanded on in the relationship between the press and government.

W. T. Stead was a Victorian editor described by Andrew as a bearded, blazing eyed and riotously sexual editor of among others the Northern Echo and The Pall Mall Gazette. In 1886 he had this to say about what he called government by journalism:

I am but a comparatively young journalist, but I have seen Cabinets upset, ministers driven into retirement, laws repealed, great social reform initiated, Bills transformed, estimates remodelled, programmes modified, Acts passed, general nominated, governors appointed, armies sent hither and thither, ware proclaimed and war averted, by the agency of newspapers.

-W. T. Stead 1886

That was in 1886 when the general populace still respected government and politicians. One can only surmise that since then the press have become more powerful, where today entire elections can be won or lost on the front page of the Sun newspaper(1992 general election - election day headline "If Kinnock wins today, will the last person to leave Britain please turn out the lights.").

Next year there will be a general election, which way will the press vote?

Which brings me onto Andrew Marr himself and how he asked Prime Minister Gordon Brown whether he used prescription painkillers in a recent interview. I thought I would analyse this question and the journalism behind it.

Before we get to the question itself we have to decide whether it is correct to ask a question about the prime ministers health. In the 'for'corner we should be entitled to ask any question if it impacts on his ability to do the job, as in the extreme he could take this country to war. Although you could argue that he could not take this country to war by himself and therefore his individual health is immaterial.

In the 'against' corner, his personal life is his own business, just because he is prime minister doesn't mean that every single detail of his life should be public knowledge. After all would we want to know that the prime minister is constipated and might not be fully concentrating in a cabinet meeting? There is also the argument that why should we expect our politicians to be supermen without any fault. What do we want a human being or a robot?

There is an implied contract of trust between the electorate and the government that the prime minister is fit to govern at any time. Even if this contract is weakened should the press act as final arbiter?

I think it can be safely assumed that asking the simple question are you fit, well and capable to carry out your role as prime minister is a valid question. However this is not what Andrew Marr asked, he asked:

"something everybody has been talking about in the Westminster village... A lot of people in this country use prescription painkillers and pills to help them get through. Are you one of them?"

Some technical points first. The "Westminster village" is what most of us would describe as the rumour mill. The use of the word "use" which is close to drug user which had many socio - negative connotations. You use heroin but you take medication.

"Help them get through" - again suggesting that people aren't coping and giving the question an overall negative tone.

So did Andrew ask about the prime ministers health or did he imply that the prime minister was not competent to do the job?

In my opinion he chose to ask this question on his own authority because he wanted to imply that Gordon Brown was taking pain killers which meant that he was not fully capable of carrying out his duties.

It could also be described as a leading question. In answering "Yes" the prime minister would confirm much more than just that he took prescription drugs. Even if he went on to explain , it would be the initial yes that was shown on the Six O'clock news probably with an image of Gordon looking really tired from 2002 to emphasise how pain killers had effected him. Again the picture would imply a negative view of Gordon Brown. All of the negativity would be implied and may distort the reality of the situation.

After Gordon had politely told Andrew it was none of his business Andrew asked the question again. Perhaps not your finest hour Andrew.

In a guardian article interestingly a BBC spokesman is quoted as saying:

"Andrew was asking a legitimate question about the health of the leader of the country."

Was he? Or was he implying that Gordon Brown was unfit to hold office because he took pain killers? Surely if he was in pain we should be more worried if he didn't take painkillers?

References:

Andrew Marr: I have no intention of apologising over Brown question (guardian)
'I do not roll over,' says Brown(BBC)
1992 General election (wikipedia)

Asteroid attack: How would we cope? (New Scientist)

When an email like that hits your in-box you cant help but race across the desktop with your mouse pointer and click it.

The answer apparently if you want the short answer is "Not very well".

Then the article is full of more questions such as

"Should we panic?"

A. Not really, a killer impact strike would only happen once every 2000 years and the odds of hitting a populated area are even smaller.

"Can we nuke it?"

A. No, not unless we had several years warning. At the moment our early warning systems just aren't good enough. One asteroid last year was only detected 20 hours before impact. 2008 TC3 detonated over Sudan and was too small to do any damage anyway but millions of asteroids that could do some damage are out there and we are not yet tracking all of them.

The exciting questions over with, I can tell you about what the article is actually about. The US Air Force ran an exercise in 2008 where they played out a scenario where a killer asteroid was heading straight for earth. Straight out of Hollywood there were two parts of the asteroid, one heading for a splash down in the Atlantic ocean on the west coast of America and the other heading for Washington DC. Cut to people screaming and running past notable Washington monuments and running past electrical shop windows with President Obama on screen urging people to remain calm all the way via satellite from Air Force One currently flying over New Zealand.

Back to the studio where CNN have bought in whoever answered the phone first, to pretend to be an expert on asteroids / politics. "Its all the governments fault they should have seen it coming years ago. They cut funding into asteroid destruction technologies and invested in free health care for all. What were they thinking?"

Sorry, digressed suddenly there, too much thinking about life according to a Hollywood movie script.

Commenting on the scenario outcome which demonstrated that the US was woefully unprepared for such a disaster Peter Garreston (organiser) had this to say:

"As a taxpayer, I would appreciate my air force taking a look at something that would be certainly as bad as nuclear terrorism in a city, and potentially a civilisation-ending event."

He wasn't just talking about the X-factor rejects from the first round who with their off key singing destroyed several world heritage sites yesterday.

Simon Cowell responded with these comments directly to the planet killer asteroid:

"I am just not convinced by your planet killing performance, I just didn't feel it. Your just too small this year, you need to come back next year... Danni Yes or no?"

Normal service is being resumed ... please hold while we connect you to sanity.

US Air force 0 - Asteroid 1. Final Score.

Anyway, moving on. Having pretty much determined that being able to avert disaster was pretty much impossible the assembled team turned to disaster management. Somebody had forgotten to get coffee from the supermarket and everybody knows you cant deal with a disaster without some serious black coffee.

The primary concern in the disaster management scenario was to stop the public who were in the path of the asteroid from panicking. In my opinion the only way you could stop the public panicking is to shut the media up. You only have to look back to the credit crunch to see how good the media are at proclaiming the end is nigh. Their doom scenarios would cause the public to panic within about three seconds although you might have 30 seconds of grace while they come up with a suitable two word caption for the screen.

Cue movie voice. "It was a time of darkness, the media had the biggest story ever, the story to end all stories, the story to end it all..."

A bland boardroom is shown on screen with a number of men and women in power suits.

Random media type 1: Yes, but what's the caption.
RMT2: How about "earth crunch"
RMT4: Sounds too much like "credit crunch", crunch doesn't spread fear as much as it used to.
RMT3: How about "Armageddon"
RMT2: No, that is only understandable by the AB1 demographic and its only one word.
RMT1: How about "Fatal Friday"
RMT3: No sounds like another stock market crash.
RMT2: How about"End of the World, as we know it"
RMT1: Too long it will appear over the station logo.
RMT4: How about "We're screwed"
RMT1: Well its direct, two words, but it just doesn't have any zing.
RMT3: How about "Rocky: The final return".
RMT2: No, that's already been copyrighted for the movie of the disaster.
RMT1: I know, how about: "Mankind's Annihilation"
RMT2: Works for me.
RMT4: Excellent.
RMT1: OK that's agreed, now lets talk sponsorship, are we thinking Coke or Nike...

Back in the reality created by the US Air Force which one can only assume didn't include a simulation of the media machine.

Timothy Spahr, director of the Minor Planet Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts who has also probably been watching two many Hollywood blockbusters suggested this scenario.

"I'm picturing people panicking and driving the wrong way on the freeway, screaming 'Oh my god, it's going to kill us!'"

We are not just talking republican policies on health care here either (little current affairs reference for my American audience). In true Hollywood fashion he forgot to mention the two teenage virgins by the side of the road getting busy as they certainly don't want to die a virgin. I am thinking American Pie meets Armageddon, now that would be worth going to see.

The outcome of the exercise was a realisation that there is no asteroid emergency plan beta 6 and Bruce Willis is not on 24/7 asteroid destruction call out. However the earlier the warning the better the response would be.

Which brings us nicely on to early warning systems. The good news is that two out of the three early warning systems are in Arizona where during the months of July and September you cant see a thing because of the cloud cover. Excellent, I can see that makes everyone feel better. Lets hope no asteroids turn up at that time of the year, perhaps they will just leave a calling card and come back later.

Even better news, the US Air Force have imagined a scenario where an asteroid could start world war 3: The final showdown. If an asteroid detonated over a politically sensitive area like the middle east then it might be interpreted as a nuclear attack and governments may retaliate.

Of course NASA has put a lot of money into funding projects to track potential planet killers but in a selfish approach they only focus on the Northern Hemisphere which is perhaps a bit short sighted as a planet killer in the Southern Hemisphere could still destroy all life on the planet as we know it.

NASA and the European space agencies are working on it though, so hopefully things will improve in the future.

NASA are also working on an Asteroid ship which will help defend the planet. Exclusively, here now I can reveal the working prototype:

Intertwined colour lines: a fascination part 2

The spiders web that is Oxfords road network.

Intertwined colour lines: a fascination

I find myself strangely fascinated by coloured lines intertwined together, especially if it is a pattern based on something man made or familiar to me.

This is a hand drawn colour line copy of a 1914 clearing house railway junction diagram of the area around clapham junction (the big confusing area over on the left). If you want to you can compare it to the original over here on wikipedia.

Maybe I have discovered a whole new art form with which you can experiment with on any map or satelitte photgraphy, just drawing designs. Today the web tommorrow Tate Britain.