"I have never ended on an unstressed syllable!" (The Guardian)

Everyone likes a good rant against the system at some point. There are always useless jobsworths who deserve to be put in their place. I often feel like writing snotty emails to people but it really only gets you into trouble. The best thing to do is phone them up, then there is no hard record of the conversation and you can always claim you were misinterpreted.

Or my other little petty thing is to use the phrase , "If you do have any further queries do hesitate to contact me in the future."

Should they spot the missing not you can simply claim it was a typing error. OK so a small rebellion in the great battle against the dumb and unhelpful.

Anyway Giles Coren, restaurant critic for the times is plagued by sub editors who mess around with his submissions changing the context and destroying his perfectly formed prose. On occasion he writes a snotty note to the sub-editors. Some of them are so good that they hvae escaped onto the internet. They are so good you should go read the article but to give you a teaser here are some of the best lines.

"It's not ******* rocket science. It's ******* pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and I have never ended on an unstressed syllable. ....."

He signs the email "All the best" which is a nice touch.

"...what do you think you can achieve with that kind of dumb-wittted smart-arsery?"

"never ask me to write something for you. and don't pay me. i'd rather take £400 quid for assassinating a crack whore's only child in a revenge killing for a busted drug deal - my integrity would be less compromised."

The guardian article does note sadly that these are abridged but not subedited - versions of the emails.

In part you can have the same rant about the Grammer-nazi's on the internet, who insist on correct spelling and grammer even though they are no experts. I have posted on them before and still insist that content is far more important than grammer.

Giles Coren, a glass with you my friend.